Herbalism

The perfect, imperfect poem

imperfect

Maybe we just misunderstand what it says - I'm-perfect... :)

All I want to do today is share a poem about the icky and sticky subject of imperfection.  It is such a lovely poem and I feel it resonating with  A LOT in my life. Do you?

 

IMPERFECTION

I am falling in love with my imperfections The way I never get the sink really clean, forget to check my oil, lose my car in parking lots, miss appointments I have written down, am just a little late.

I am learning to love the small bumps on my face the big bump of my nose, my hairless scalp, chipped nail polish, toes that overlap.

Learning to love the open-ended  mystery of not knowing why

I am learning to fail to make lists, use my time wisely, read the books I should.

Instead I practice inconsistency, irrationality, forgetfulness.

Probably I should hang my clothes neatly in the closet all the shirts together, then the pants, send Christmas cards, or better yet a letter telling of my perfect family.

But I’d rather waste time listening to the rain, or lying underneath my cat learning to purr.

I used to fill every moment with something I could cross off later.

Perfect was the laundry done and folded all my papers graded the whole truth and nothing but

Now the empty mind is what I seek the formless shape the strange  off center sometimes fictional me.

Elizabeth Carlson

Hey fatso... you are looking good

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Well I guess this a more iffy subject for me. So I will dive into it a little gently.

The foundation of my work is that you belong here exactly as you are. There is no perfect ideal to strive for. You have an enormous amount of wisdom in you and maybe it takes slowing down to listen to that. I wish that this could be the way we all step into our lives. This is not to say that we can't shift, unfold, evolve. I am exploring the starting point and the tendency to feel wrong, to feel that we only deserve a place when we fit and mold ourselves into a certain standard - however we define what that looks like.

I know that for me not owning that statement has been exhausting. In motherhood I read books, looked at women who wizzed through the challenging parts and I felt like a constant failure. The art of comparison once again left me feeling less worthy. The foundation of being wrong or less than, isn't a nice place to be and very very seldom leads to a life with happiness and ease.

I will be digging deeper into that statement in further posts... for now a story of how I was challenged recently.

I was out for drinks with my two sisters. We had a great time and we decided to end the good times with a burger. Now it is no secret that I have put on weight after the 2 pregnancies and what not, but burger it was - YOLO or something.

In the cue some guys felt that we had cut in line, and looked at me and said that I probably shouldn't be in there anyway considering my weight. Well tears galore and I felt shitty. Reduced to an unworthy lump of Blubber (did you every read Judy Blume's book? It's awesome... anyway).

Fastforward 2 weeks and my man and I are away for the weekend for a music festival. As I am coming out of the toilet area a woman stops me. She is a scout for a model agency and thinks I would be an awesome model for the normal size/curve department... huh...

So which "truth" do I go with? A third - my own? How I see myself? How I feel about myself? Or do I let either of their perspectives rule and dictate wether I feel worthy just as I am? Do I wait till I have xx weight to go out again or do I pout my lips and work it like a supermodel? The "you belong here, exactly as you are" reminds me that none of the above is my truth. It is their eyes looking at me. What matters is how I look at me. And this has been such an awesome reminder.

This is what we can work on - how you see you. And knowing that you belong here, you already are. <3

What my Mama taught me!

mom-tattooSo I got an email with the "challenge" to write a post for Mother's Day, about what I have learnt from my mom. I have and why wait till mother's day, all of the following is how I feel most of the year. Ok so this could be the longest list in the world, most of what I know came from her, spiced with the adventures of adult life, but the foundation was created in childhood, from her.

I don't want to go all Forest Gump here, mostly because when eating a box of chocolates I usually don't taste med, I stuff them... anyway...

We are 5 siblings and as I sit with my 2 girls inhaling coffee, my respect for her grows - how the hell did she do it!?!

But we all turned out great, doing awesome things in life, traveling, studying, creating and she taught us that well. I can barely keep up with 2 girls and some days I fear that I am mostly teaching them how to cover insomnia with concealer.

So how do you learn? I remember what she did and being so proud of her. She aimed for things, she seldom sat back feeling sorry for herself. She took chances and got things done (with at least 1 kid on her hip), she did her best, and laughed a lot. She wore the biggest glasses man ever made and her hair matched.

She told us to do what we dreamed of, to travel the world and experience as much as we could. She taught us to do the dishes and cook and to always wear clean underwear when going somewhere.

She taught us love and never ever sent us out the door without knowing how much she loved us. She taught us what is possible if you want it, even on your own with a sh** load of kids.

She taught us that not knowing is ok and that vulnerability is a part of it all. She taught us that there is always two sides to a story. She taught us that Henna dyes your hair orange no matter what color you think you bought.

She taught us to be grateful for what we had and I am so grateful I had her.

I bow in respect for the woman and what I have learnt continues to unfold as I go about in life. I am happy to have the skills and the ability to ask (mostly her) if I don't.

I love you dearly mom and thank you for being my role model.

 

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If You Want to Be a Light for Your Family, Truly Evaluate Your Personal Presence

Guest post by Haydee Montemayor

Womanhood and motherhood are two powerful forces that unite women worldwide. However, while on the outside we often express a desire to help other women, on the inside, we often gauge our own self-worth by comparing ourselves with other women. When we become mothers, we often compare how our child rearing practices measure up to those of others. Why? Because our ego’s insecurities kick in. We forget that we’re all one.

Mother and Child Reunion

Motherhood has been THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. Shortly after I knew I was carrying a baby in my womb, I felt the most purposeful I’d EVER felt. I knew I was co-creating something special with the Universe and that made me feel important, blessed, worthy and complete. While pregnant, I started connecting with mothers online to help me have a healthy pregnancy and prepare for 100% natural childbirth (which I’m super blessed that I was able to have). And then came the baby :) . I realized then, that I didn’t know everything no matter how much I had read and prepared myself and that I had to and wanted to continue learning and researching how to be a good mother.

All my life I have been a go-getter. But you know what I realized after becoming a mother? That the things we pursue in hopes of happiness prior to becoming a mother are pale in comparison to the satisfaction that being a mother brings.

I also noticed that I'm missing two words in a sentence. It should read like this, can you please change it?
Since the first day that I brought my baby home with me after his birth, I realized that he was the reason why I’ve always enjoyed Edwin McCain’s “I Could Not Ask For More” song lyrics, which say:

“These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive

These are the moments, I’ll remember all my life

I found all I’ve waited for

And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes

Seeing all I need

Everything you are is everything to me

These are the moments

I know heaven must exist

These are the moments I know all I need is this

I have all I’ve waited for

And I could not ask for more

 

[Chorus]

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have’s come true

And right here in this moment is right where I’m meant to be

Here with you, here with me.”

Experiencing a deep love for someone and rejection by something in society, as painful as it seems is convenient, because it gives one the perspective one needs. I've experienced first hand, multiple times in multiple settings, the pain, betrayal, guilt and life-sucking existence that comes from being a round peg in a square hole. And I was tired of it.

Once I experienced my rejection, I devoured books, joined challenges, participated in webinars, started a meditation practice, listened to TedTalks and prepared myself to for once, go after my dream and actually convert it into a reality. All this time, I had been waiting for permission to do what I wanted, which was writing. And when I realized that I LITERALLY had nothing else to lose if I wrote, I took this leap of faith.

I'm still amazed how society expects us to give the very best of ourselves, when we're really not allowed to truly be ourselves. There's some sort of disconnect. Don't you think? Of course we all want to improve, but it's hard to be motivated to improve on something that goes against your very nature and your very reason for being. Mothering, thank goodness is natural. Loving is natural. Both of these things are beautiful.

 

So now, aside from being my baby’s primary caregiver first and foremost, I'm a blogger who aims to uplift people by helping them focus on the what they have to work with, personally and in general. I identify with mom bloggers and women entrepreneurs and mothers the most, but I also have plenty of men who follow me. I suppose it's because we can all relate to wanting to enjoy the present more and for wanting to appreciate ourselves perhaps for the first time ever. As moms, our calling to birth and care for a baby is a great treasure. And that is in part, why I named my blog www.loveandtreasure.com. The slogan on my site is "Cherish whom at what you have, fully appreciate what you receive, and expand the radiance you can give."

My blog posts are a brief reminder that not only should we see life as a glass half full, instead of half empty, but we should see ourselves as fuller than we realize, wiser than we realize, more abundant than we realize, because no matter what is going on in our life, we are always blessed and experiencing exactly what it is that we need to be experiencing for us to radiate all of our essence into the world. As long as we can feel present and worthy, we can have the energy to propel our lives and our families forward.

 

Haydee Montemayor’s Bio

Haydee_MontemayorHaydee Montemayor lives with her husband, son and dog in the United States. Even though Haydee has been cautious to put any label on her other than mother, if you had to define her, you could say that she is a:

  • spiritual being, who likes to dream but who, similarly, has a healthy dose of realism that allows her to keep her feet on the ground,
  • someone who doesn’t like rigid conventions
  • a modern day soulful philosopher who is enamored by the “why” and the mechanics of life– especially when it comes to the deep and mystical things in life
  • a mortal and a spirit who always tries to squeeze the most out of everything in life… even those occasional lemons that life hands you. =)
  • a being who is part of the next- generation of spiritual thinkers who is here to embrace life fully and invite others to do the same.
  • a writer
  • an Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Caroline Myss student and follower
  • and most importantly, a loving mother

Haydee’s Commitments to You

“I am committed to inspiring you to love and treasure your family, your nourishment, your love relationships, your friends, your home, your belongings, your body, your mind and your spirit. As a matter of fact, that is why the slogan for the blog is, “Cherish whom at what you have, fully appreciate what you receive, and expand the radiance you can give.” I believe that NOTHING in life will matter— no accomplishment, no salary, no achievement, if you don’t first develop a sense of gratitude for what you already have. And as you’ll learn, if you haven’t already, you already have A LOT of positive things going for you, whether you can see them clearly right now or not. No matter what your financial life looks like, we are richer than the vast majority of the world. Even simple things that we often take for granted like electricity and plumbing make us so. But we have to be present enough to see these things in order to be of any value to the world.”

 

How I Show Up In My Life And Keep Grounded

Guest post by Rosie Slosek

I've always been a passionate live wire, it's part of who I am. I love having energy, ambition and enthusiasm. It's also important to be calm and relaxed, and that's why being grounded matters so much to me. It helps me gets done what needs to happen for what's important.

This is how I prioritise it in my life.

 

Daily I have this voice in my head about what I should be like as a woman. I expect you know what I'm talking about. That voice gets a severe talking to several times a day and slowly it is being evicted from my head. I also have lots of little luxuries to nurture my sense of self. A cup of tea, a square of chocolate, a short walk, five minutes online window shopping. It re-centres me and reminds me who I am, my goals, and to stay on track.

Weekly  Every week I have an artist date (from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron). I go to a local coffee shop and enjoy uninterrupted time to pause, relax, or write. Sometimes it's about my business, sometimes it isn't. It's whatever I need that day. I'm writing this on an artist date with a cup of tea by my side.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Artists-Way-Discovering-Recovering/dp/0330343580/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389652357&sr=8-1&keywords=julia+cameron

My other weekly ritual is yoga in the church hall. The teacher encourages, supports, and tucks a blanket over you if it's cold. It's such gentle exercise using every muscle in a relaxing way, and it's calming for my mind.

Monthly I go to heart-centred networking events at least once a month. Each meeting is an opportunity to re-evaluate and recommit to my goals. Heart-centred networking is the kind where you can relax, be yourself, and no-one will save you warm white wine or shove a business card in your face and then walk off. Meetup.com is a great site to find events and they don't need to be business orientated. They've made a real difference to me given my tendency to isolate myself. http://www.meetup.com/

Online Community My online community buddies are the best. They support and encourage me, they share my content, comment on my blog posts, share joys and disappointments, and I know someone is always there to help. It'a a good balance to the negativity in my head that's easy to get hung up on. It's very grounding.

There are lots of communities online and I often do e-courses for the people. Courses from Dexterous Diva, The Freelance Lifestyle and Rosalilium been such a help to me. We do the contact together and it's made a measurable difference to me personally and my bottom line.

http://dexterousdiva.co.uk/

http://www.emmacossey.com/

http://www.rosalilium.com/

Showing up in my life means being present in the moment and appreciating life through the ups, downs, joys and mundane. When I'm grounded daily, weekly, monthly and through community. I am more available to my partner and loved ones and what really matters in my life.

It's so invigorating being around such inspiring women in my life, and community is what keeps us all going forward.

Here's to us! Share in the comments what helps keep you grounded to what matters in your life.

Rigtig godt klaret af os! Del gerne dine erfaringer i en kommentar!

Riktigt bra jobbat av oss! Dela med dig av dina erfarenheter i kommentarerna! [Swedish]

Riktig godt jobbet! Del gjerne dine erfaringer i kommentarfeltet! [Norwegian]

Hyvin tehty! Jätä kommentti ja kerro sinun omista kokemuksista. [Finnish]

 

About Rosie rosieblogRosie Slosek is a money expert who lives and works in London. She specialises in offering money management and tax return support to freelancers and one person businesses.

Rosie sends a brownie to every client.

http://onemanbandaccounting.co.uk/

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