Hey fatso... you are looking good

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Well I guess this a more iffy subject for me. So I will dive into it a little gently.

The foundation of my work is that you belong here exactly as you are. There is no perfect ideal to strive for. You have an enormous amount of wisdom in you and maybe it takes slowing down to listen to that. I wish that this could be the way we all step into our lives. This is not to say that we can't shift, unfold, evolve. I am exploring the starting point and the tendency to feel wrong, to feel that we only deserve a place when we fit and mold ourselves into a certain standard - however we define what that looks like.

I know that for me not owning that statement has been exhausting. In motherhood I read books, looked at women who wizzed through the challenging parts and I felt like a constant failure. The art of comparison once again left me feeling less worthy. The foundation of being wrong or less than, isn't a nice place to be and very very seldom leads to a life with happiness and ease.

I will be digging deeper into that statement in further posts... for now a story of how I was challenged recently.

I was out for drinks with my two sisters. We had a great time and we decided to end the good times with a burger. Now it is no secret that I have put on weight after the 2 pregnancies and what not, but burger it was - YOLO or something.

In the cue some guys felt that we had cut in line, and looked at me and said that I probably shouldn't be in there anyway considering my weight. Well tears galore and I felt shitty. Reduced to an unworthy lump of Blubber (did you every read Judy Blume's book? It's awesome... anyway).

Fastforward 2 weeks and my man and I are away for the weekend for a music festival. As I am coming out of the toilet area a woman stops me. She is a scout for a model agency and thinks I would be an awesome model for the normal size/curve department... huh...

So which "truth" do I go with? A third - my own? How I see myself? How I feel about myself? Or do I let either of their perspectives rule and dictate wether I feel worthy just as I am? Do I wait till I have xx weight to go out again or do I pout my lips and work it like a supermodel? The "you belong here, exactly as you are" reminds me that none of the above is my truth. It is their eyes looking at me. What matters is how I look at me. And this has been such an awesome reminder.

This is what we can work on - how you see you. And knowing that you belong here, you already are. <3

What do you love...

 about you...?

So how did it go with checking in last week? If you didn't read last week's post you can find it here..

Rick Hanson wrote the book “Hard Wiring Happiness” . In it he talks about letting short glimpses of happiness expand. Allowing yourself to begin to see happiness instead of all that is going wrong in you life. He also describes how this change in focus and wayof living, changes the circuit in your brain - very interesting!

I believe that this can be linked to self-compassion. You can feel love and compassion, maybe briefly, and then find a million reasons why that isn’t true or why you don’t deserve it, or how you aren't the person you want to be. This is simplified of course, but today I want to shine a light on focus, and a little shift on how you focus on you.

As moms we want to do our best. We feel and have great responsibility and love for our children. This can also bring on the judgment and guilt and sense of 'when will I ever be good enough'? To be in that place is very stressful.

A lot of wise people have said where your focus goes, your energy flows. As I feel Rick is pointing to.

This week I would like you to focus on the thing you are grateful for and/or like about yourself.

Monday practice

I want you to get our your journal and write 3 things down that you like/love/appreciate about yourself. No one has to read it or agree with it- this is for you.

For some it might take time and feel a little uncomfortable, give yourself the space to reflect and sense into the question and start out where you feel true to yourself. For others maybe all the things you dislike come up first. Allow that to come up and pass. Continue to sit with the question. And eyebrows and fingers count as answers just fine (they were the 2 first on my list when I did this a few years ago…).

Do this every night this week and also reflect on how it feels to write it down?

If you feel called to, please share any thoughts in the comments below.

IMPORTANTO: Before I go I would like to remind you to take these exercises as they feel right. You alone know when it is too much, too little or when you need extra support. Be sensitive towards yourself.

What is Self-compassion?

Great question!

Some days I feels very unclear and I am judging myself a lot. Other days it feels very clear, and I do not beat myself up.

I believe in exploring, rather than giving answers (to some questions anyway) and I want you to feel into what self-compassion means and feels to you.

When you read the word self-compassion what comes up for you?

But, because it can be helpful to have an wise woman's word I would like to offer Kristin Neff’s thoughts on Self-Compassion. I am truly inspired by her and her work and can highly recommend her book. 

She writes that self-compassion consists of 3 elements: Self-Kindness, Common Humanity and Mindfulness. I feel they interweave, but that the first step is awareness. This brings us to know, and to the only moment we can move forward from.

Practice for this coming week

First step is really to become aware. Checking in and getting intimate with what is. An inner weather report if you will. So I'd like to introduce the short check-in.

Whenever you sit in the car, leave the house, go to the restroom or remember, do the following:

• Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths
• Connect to whatever is going on right now, thoughts, kids screaming, lists and to do’s etc. As best you can without judging or hurrying to change it, just noticing.
• Sense the body, feet, buttocks, back, hands, head
• Not changing anything just noticing.
• When you feel ready open your eyes and continue your day

Do this as many times a day as you feel called to. What do you notice when you check in? Write a few words down in your journal or share in the comments below.

With love

Carina

Mondays...

I just sold my company Mindful Ground. This means I can dedicate my full energy to the work that means so much to me - supporting mothers and being a mom. This also means a more consistent presence here on the blog - I am so excited. I have decided to dedicate Mondays to reflections and practices. Each Monday I will be sharing one or the other on the blog. For me it sets the stage for the week to come and even if I only ever touch on the theme that Monday it still has an flows through me throughout my day and sometimes the entire week.

I tend to get lost in all the offers of amazing courses out there. I sign up only to (once again) realize that I am not superwoman, I do not have 10 days a week, I do not have 8 arms or that much energy past 9pm (really it is probably more like 7pm... but who's checking). I am a mom of two kids and that means less time to me and at times also a shorter attention span.

Knowing that and respecting it, all reflections and practices offered here will be short, sweet and doable.

Having studied and worked with meditation for years, I found that after I became a mom the intense and longer practices wouldn't fit into my life to the same extent. For some they feel that the quality of their practice is poorer. This isn't necessarily true. In the work I do I want there to be that understanding - what ever offered it has to be able to integrate into life with kids. All of this to unfold more and more over the coming weeks and months.

During the week I will blog when inspired, but I hope you check in on Mondays, the next many posts are ready to be shared.

A short reflection... 

How could you take a little time to yourself this coming week? It doesn't have to be a lot. A 10 min. break, a walk, a cup of tea, a few yoga poses, closing your eyes and feeling the air against your skin. How does it feel to consciously choose to prioritize YOU?

(Don't beat yourself up if you don't create space this week, allow this reflection or practice to unfold when the time is right).

See you next Monday

With love Carina

I'm out...

  So it's my 4 year birthday around this time,  I have been "in business" for 4 years. A lot of soul searching, mistake making and even more confusion has gone through the system.

When  I started out I liked creating, loved it actually. Writing, messing around with pictures and colors and getting it right... for me, reading comments and interacting with those who dropped by.

However, ever since I started out as a self-employed woman I have resisted it on some level. I love being my own boss. I love that I can go to work only wearing socks if I wanted to. But as with any uncommon ground (motherhood, new relationship etc) a little uncertainty sets in, and I at least have felt the need to follow the leaders.

I have joined close to every bizz style course you can - that's what you do eh?  It made me feel like I was doing it right, it would be horrible if I was viewed as unprofessional. So I nudged off track a wee bit. I have failed at pretty much every step I have been told to do. All the systems, because it WOULD make me grow - huh. Well it didn't.

Next thing I know I am tweaking my USP (Unique Selling Position) thinking this is pretty boring and not at all getting my heart in it. Then changing all my profile pictures so they were the same - no one likes a slob. Then creating profiles left right and center on social media sites. Next I am choosing a niche. Then I am driving myself to write "awesome" how to blog posts that always sort came out with the same vibe - the "I don't know, what do you feel?" vibe.

Then a business adviser who's last name was Focking (I kid you not) told me stop writing articles and posts in English and focus on the Danish crowd because that's where I live. And I can (and I think I will in posts to come) go on ...

I am fed up, I needed to go back and start again, with a little more knowledge and a lot more money down the drain.

So here's my new site, that has NONE of the above. And I am totally fine with it. I am back to creating, writing, going with the flow of what sits right with me and you reading. With a big happy birthday to the business

I hope you will join me here, the journey and the small acts of creativity, storytelling and honesty.

<3 Carina