Fear…
During the first pregnancy, fear of all sorts was at the top of the list. I was very worried that my poor vagina would explode as the baby entered the world. I sat in almond oil baths for hours and spent loads of time on Google making sure that I was doing everything I could to prevent my womanhood being ruined.
I was scared what birth would do to me, and so unsure I would manage without all the drugs in the world. I spent hours reading about birthing while biting my fingernails.
2nd birth home birth, I loved it. Very detailed planning and wanting.
This time is a planned home birth and we are yet to have the plan made… Everyone keeps asking, so are you ready? Yeah sure, we still have a few days until it all goes down.
Poop and scars…
When going through birth prep classes one woman mentioned that you can poop as the baby pushes down and that an enema was an option to avoid this. Ew gross, I spent a lot of time wondering how our sex life would ever survive a situation like that. Wouldn’t you know, I didn’t give a shit (haha) during the actual pushing phase. Don’t even know if anything like that happened.
Stretch marks: I did not want a roadmap of scars shattering my bikini bod… that was until I remembered that I have rarely put a bikini on. Also I kind of like how they tell the story of pregnancy and giving birth to, so far, 2 children. 3rd child, well it’s already stretched eh.
Impatience…
1st time around I was ready to give birth after 6 months, come on already… This time not so much. I have things to do and sleep to be had. All is well and she can arrive 2 weeks late if she wants. I just would like to demand the right to not get up the last 3-4 weeks.
I am so lucky that my kids and man are totally on board with that… not.
Equipment…
I downloaded lists, and spent money on so many “essentials” during the first pregnancy. What!? How can you be a good parent without this plastic thing I don’t know how to use? The mag clearly said it WASN’T an add, and that you couldn’t get by without it. Well, wouldn’t you know, the best toy in the world was a cardboard box, and the baby grew out of all of it in a day or two anyway.
This time… “babe, can you get the pram out of the shed”, “sure”… cool, done.
Documentation…
I looked through old scrapbooks, and smiled at the photos of my baby bump and how it grew hour by hour for 9 months the 1st time around, and how we made sure to have me smiling like a loon at the camera, so we wouldn’t ever forget this awesome time. We had the test and everything there.
This time I had to get the camera out in a panic, “shit, 8 months pregnant already, I don’t have a single picture of me or the belly”. Sorry little new baby girl, we love you just as much. But the dog ate the external hard drive with ALL of the photos from the pregnancy and your childhood…
Things that are the same.
The man…
I, just as I did the first time, wake up in the middle of the night (for hours). With struggle, I roll over to look at the dad, who is snoring. Sip a little water to control the heartburn, frown and think to myself - asshole, you did this to me, how can you just sleep through the night like nothing and here I am in bits from no sleep, kicks to the bladder and a throat on fire.
Next morning, I look at him and think wow, what a miracle we are having another baby, and how lucky are we, I love him… #hormones
Excitement…
I cannot wait to meet her, to sniff her head and welcome her into our family with all that, that is. With everything said, I do have a tingle in my body, as I did with the oldest and a growing love for this little being. I however am a little older, a little more experienced, and a little more aware of the fact that I know nothing about how this birth will change our life.
When you are ready, so are we.
xo Mom
