From Hidden to Seen - My Struggle with Keeping Myself Small

Guest Post by Daisy Hernandez

"Life is but a dream, said someone once. And I truly believe it. Like a dream, it can end abruptly and all you're left with are the experiences lived." - dh

From Hidden to Seen - My Struggle with Keeping Myself Small

I was once on the other side of that quote. I was on the side of life being somewhat of a nightmare; I had somehow become a bit of a cynic between my teen years and late twenties. But you wouldn't have guessed it by simply looking at me or even talking to me, I've always been somewhat of a 'ray of sunshine'. But when I felt blue, everything I looked at was blue and that ray became but a glimmer.

Instead of lifting myself up, I'd put myself back down. There was a sense of comfort being there, so I stayed there. Plus the company I would keep was no help in changing that, on the contrary.

I got a point where I wanted something different and when depression crossed my mind, I went looking for a counsellor. His words forever changed my world. He said: "You're too much of a giver. And you need to give to yourself first, before you can give to others." Strange, right? In my world it was.

Being Latina, there's a level of respect you must give to elders, a sense of submission to men, and a level of service to everyone else. As women, no matter the family that raised you, this becomes part of your culture and therefore, you.

Though I've always been feisty, trying to abide by such rules was near impossible. Not because I wanted to be disrespectful, but because I felt that any level of respect must be earned, submission should be a choice not a given, and service...well, that I could stand by.

Having been brought up in two different cultures (first years in Latin America, later years in the Great White North), you can guess the confusion inside of me. What I felt I should do vs what I was told to do because of a cultural background. All of this was rooted deep within me without me understanding it fully, it wasn't at a conscious level. But the uneasy feeling was very much there.

My counsellor's words hit me like a bucket of freezing water. And subconsciously, it did something. I began to notice that whenever I felt blue from then on, rather than drown myself in depressive music, I'd do the opposite. I created a playlist labeled "Lift Up" and songs like "Mickey" and "The Look" became part of its repertoire. I'd cut that comfort in half and began to move into a completely different territory.

I began shifting my mindset. I somehow became stronger, I began showing my strength. I saw the many possibilities of being ME and standing up for what I wanted. It was like night and day.

Even my company took at 180 turn. I gave up my relationship with a close relative, ended my relationship with my partner, jumped on a very scary unknown way of life. A new apartment, new possibilities.

What does that have to do with giving? I was giving myself time and space to come back into myself.

I began to learn how to take care of myself, how to help myself feel my best from within and began to feel lighter. No more heavy thinking or carrying the whole world on my shoulders.

It all started with a baby step. Identifying change is possible and putting things in place to help move me forward.

And hey, there are challenging days. It's not all picture perfect, but now I know it's my choice to drown or swim.

My roots will always be a part of me but, just as you can choose what to wear every morning, you can also choose what to carry with you.

I will continue to respect others, serve others, and at times, be submissive...but it's all my choice. Not the choices others want for me.

And I think that's important, to make that distinction between following versus considering.

There's no way I could have ever imagined jumping into an entrepreneurial role, helping other women embrace their uniqueness and guide them toward a lighter way of life that supports their "over the top" goals, with the comfort level I had in keeping myself hidden from the world.

My challenge to you is to identify a baby step you can start taking NOW to move you toward the stronger you that's been hidden.

About Daisy

Daisy Hernandez is the creator of Pura Chica Natural, a digital resource dedicated to empowering long-term change by shifting into a cleaner, stronger, more powerful version of yourself - naturally! She offers personal 1:1 sessions in both English & Spanish, self-paced programs such as the Challenge Your Cravings ecourse, and full, fun-loving support to help make that shift happen.

Connect with her on Facebook (Facebook.com/PuraChicaNatural), Twitter (twitter.com/purachicantrl), Instagram (instagram.com/daisyhdez), YouTube (youtube.com/user/PuraChicaNaturalTV)

Cheers to Fear: A Powerful Life Lesson Happy Women Can’t Live Without

Guest Post by Elspeth Misiaszek

On January 6, 2011 my business partner called me into his office. He looked me right in the eye and said, “I need to go at this solo.”

Right there on the spot, like I was garbage being thrown to the street, he fired me.

My entire body went completely still. A wave of angst and … absolute calm? … washed over me.

Like a flash, all the years of late nights, hundreds of handshakes, thousands of phone calls, and blisters from long days door-knocking zipped right through me. I felt something I’d never, ever imagined I could feel.

I felt grateful. When I joined the company, it was a start-up corporation. I left my job, started dating this man whom I truly believed in, and gave myself, heart and soul, to his lifelong dream of business ownership.

But there was a problem. He simply wasn’t as smart as my naïve rosy glasses made him out to be. He’d miscalculated how much money he’d need for overhead; there wasn’t a dime left over for my salary.

What should have been my leap of faith into a life of entrepreneurial independence quickly turned into a test of loyalty. I’d resigned from my job and moved in with him, leaving behind my old life. There was nothing to go back to.

After a few years, when we ended our relationship, we agreed that I had accrued sweat-equity in the business equivalent to my unpaid wages. He was able to fire me (he was the majority partner regardless) thanks to my own absolute stupidity; I hadn’t gotten our agreement in writing.

It was his loss, as well, to feel he could go at it solo. I earned the business from 50% to 60% of its gross sales, over $120,000 my third year. I was the face of the company, showing up at every local event possible. All of the biggest residual clients were thanks to my follow-through.

But I was also a fool. Because in the end, there was really only one thing that held me back. A thing that every single one of us lives with. A thing so deep and so dark most of us would rather ignore it than admit it’s there.

In the end, I blame my fear for keeping me by his side. For three years, it blinded me from moving powerfully forward into my own success, even as his personal flaws were amplified by a business spotlight.

But in one sentence, in one swift action, his choice changed it all for me. I was free of him, free of the needy business baby, and free to find what was next for me.

eMarketing Copywriter was born in 2011. I have always been a writer, but, truthfully, I exceled at sales as well. My skill set in small business has allowed me to quadruple my income from year one to year three.

And you know what? I am still humbled every single day to get to do what I love. The message I have for every single woman entrepreneur I meet is a simple one:

Embrace your fear. Take all of your negative energy, sad days, and bad vibes, and transition them into something positive. If you feel angry at a colleague, turn your anger into a business lesson. When an employee lets you down, switch it over to a reflection on your management style.

Most of all, cry when you need to. Let yourself sob like a child while you acknowledge that it’s only pure, natural fear lurking somewhere deep. After all, the fear might make you pause for a minute, or redden your eyes for the night, but you sure as hell should never, ever let it stop you.

And while it may not be entirely relevant, I’m sure you’ll want a synopsis of how he’s doing since my life moved on. In March of 2011, my COBRA health insurance policy was canceled due to lack of payment on his part.

In 2012, I sued him for back wages … and won. He continued to pay me a decent little court appointed sum every month for over a year. The payments were consistently ‘in the mail’ almost a month late.

When a business colleague called me a few weeks ago, she said she hadn’t seen him in almost three years.  In fact, she didn’t even know what had become of him or his business. Nor, added my powerful, wonderful, amazing executive friend, did she care. I feel exactly the same way.

Too busy to draft your own content? Hire a ghostwriter.

About Elspeth Elspeth Misiaszek uses her writing and online marketing skills to help vegan businesses, coaches and entrepreneurs increase sales on their websites and blogs. Email today for a free consultation. Check out Elspeth's website here http://www.emarketingcopywriter.com/

[Day 19] What's your tone?

  There's no doubt that for a lot of us, our tone towards ourselves isn't always that kind. The inner critic takes handles a lot of the inner dialogue. What it says seems to be VERY individual. Does the tone of your self talk set you free or rob your freedom?

A commonly used image is the one of you and a friend, begin talking to a friend and see how long they would stand the tone which you use on yourself. If it kind and gentle it probably makes them feel good, loved and accepted. If it is harsh, well how long would they put up with you talking them that way? How would it make them feel? And even more important why do we feel it is ok to talk to ourselves that way?

Sometimes we may feel that a harsh tone serves us. It is what keeps us motivated to do better - is that true? Maybe it protects you, if you name it first then it won't sting so bad as it does when coming from others. Does putting yourself down actually serve you?

If your tone is kind and loving then how does that support you in life? How does that serve you?

This may be a tender subject for you and please be gentle with yourself. <3

Now write a post or grab your journal and write about your reflections, experience and share your story.

1. Add the URL  http://www.mindfulground.com/day-19-what-is-your-tone/ as a TrackBack link

2. Add a comment below with a few words about your post with a link to the blogpost

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Click to tweet: working with the self talk tone via @mindfulground 30 day living #mindfully blog challenge http://tinyurl.com/lwl77eu #mindful #selfcompassion

What the hell is she doing anyway?

I have to face the fact that I am a talker. I have serious issues at times with getting clear. I have a mentor that always "suggests" a less broad language... hmmm well ok, I am working on it. Some might say it's bad for business, or how will people know what to come to you for IF YOUR'RE NOT CLEAR??? And as always with this blog challenge I am doing, I am asked to get crystal clear... The blog challenge Day 10 is:

Which are the key online revenue streams you want to focus on in your existing business?

So basically "What are doing with the your life and business Carina?" Sometimes I find it hard, because in the field I am in, there is no ONE or RIGHT way. I work with life, and that happens is all sorts of ways. I draw on my experience with meditation, mindfulness, yoga specialized in women's body and energy and sometime fall short in how put that into a few bullets...

I know what's important to me though. And that's that people feel connected, worthy, happy, and that they feel that they belong - because everyone deserves that in their life. I want people to own their stories without being caught up in the drama of it, finding peace and ease in everyday life. 

As to how I want to bring this to life in offerings and ways to connect is:

• through one on one programs. These are for the people who are so ready to commit that they feel it in their bones. I love these connections because it is a safe place.
• through the Free Blog Challenge. A way for people not ready to take the big leap, to try out the idea of letting go of a life ruled by stress, auto-pilot, worry and unhappiness.
• through retreats that give people some intense time to look within, relax, meditate and take a break from everyday life, to see it in a clearer light.

And a few other cool things that I am cooking up...

I may not always be clear in my sales pitches and pages, but I am so clear on my vision and WHY I do this work in the first place.

Without any spiritual dogma, and keeping both feet on the ground I want YOU to feel compassion, connection and care for yourself!

Anxiety got me started!

Ahh Day 7 - This blog challenge really doesn't feel like a challenge. Which is awesome - big thanks to Ms. Sisson. Today's question is great - just up my alley.

Which key tools will you turn to regularly to maintain your mindset and how will you use them effectively?

For years I delt with anxiety. Panic attacks, a constant sense of nervousness in my body, scared of being scared ruled my life. I isolated myself more and more, just from feeling so tired and not knowing how to face people anymore.

My way through those years became my meditation practice. I wasn't enlightened or fell in love with a guru. I just sensed tiny shifts for every time a sat and closed my eyes and let go of control. It wasn't always peace and ease - but more about handling what arose.

I became less scared and reactive, but learned to respond with more clarity. I began to see I had a choice. No matter how I felt, I was in control of the next step.

As for my mindset anxiety has become my "warning signal". I haven't had a full blown attack in years, but when a certain feeling creeps up I know it well, I know that this is when to slow down, take better care of my self, and allow myself to be vulnerable.

Easy - no, necessary - Yes.

Meditation and presence isn't only what happens on a cushion somewhere quiet. I bring it with me. It is how I move through life. It is compassion, care, curiosity, it is being connected to how I feel.

I am still me, I still have triggers and less flattering sides at times, but I am so much more aware of how they effect me, and stop a lot sooner then I did before. It is just so much easier to deal with when I am not on never ending auto-pilot.

So what supports me in business and life (and hey isn't it all just life??) is my meditation practice.