Alle hader mormor bag rettet... (Copy)

Jeg har lige været på to dages arbejds"retreat" på landet. Min mor bor ud til vand og skov, og det er luksus at komme derned. Der var fantastisk, solen skinnede og vi tog en køretur langs vandet på vej ind for at handle. Jeg kørte bilen, og er måske ikke den mest erfarne billist. Derfor vælger jeg, at køre forsigtigt mellem vejtræer og rådyr.

Store smil og grin og tjuhej hvor vi hygger, jeg kigger ud af bakspejlet, ser en ung fyr i en sænket vogn i en god turkis farve, som helt sikkert kører mere end mine 48,8 km i timen. Jeg har overskud, jeg er glad, og føler mig som et stort menneske, så jeg bremser ned, og blinker ind til siden for at lade ham komme forbi.

Han kører forbi mig storråbene i sin bil, rystende på hovedet mens han laver fagter mod mig og gasser op...

Vildt nok, hvordan ens intentioner gang på gang bliver misforstået, og hvor meget en "ÅRH jaaa..." følelse man kan få, når nu man prøvede at være flink.

Det store spørgsmål er, hvad jeg nu gør? Skal jeg lade det ødelægge mit humør. Give fingeren tilbage. Blive ked af at al den forsøgen på at gøre ham en tjeneste var forgæves? Lade være med at gøre det en anden gang?

Hvordan ville du reagere?

Klima, klima, klima, lkmia, lmiak... (Copy)

Mens jeg sidder her med hovedet ud af vinduet med varmen på for fuld udblæsning, med min 17. latte to go i papkrus, computer, TV, og radio kørende og har glemt at slukke lyset i flere rum, undrer det mig, at de der store virksomheder ikke kan finde ud af at skære ned for det dersens CO2... NEJ... Nu går snakken igen omkring vores klima. Jeg ved ikke, om jeg skal frygte dommedag lige om hjørnet, men én ting jeg kan sige er, at det ikke kun er industrien, der er er nogle miljøsvin. Hvordan skal man danne sig et billede af hvilken situation vi virkelig står i?

Jamen hvad nytter det, kan man spørge sig selv om. Tja, jeg synes da i det mindste man skulle prøve. Jeg kunne godt tænke mig, at opdrage min datter til et liv, med et sundere miljø omkring hende og en følelse af ansvar for den verden hun lever i.

Jeg har min gang inde hos Danmarks kommende elite på KU et par dage om ugen... Her kan man både få varmen og en masse frisk luft samtidig på toilettet... Hvad er meningen med at skrue op på 5 i stedet for at lukke vinduet? Kaffen bliver nydt i gode engangs flamingokrus, som heldigvis ikke kan genbruges - og man MÅ IKKE bruge sit eget krus er der et fint lille skilt der reklarmerer med. Papir flyder alle vegne, og toiletpapir bliver brugt til at markere vejen til toilettet...

Hvorfor har vi så svært ved, at se os selv som en del af en et større billede? Hvis man ikke selv har et ansvar, hvis er det så? Det er vel i sidste ende os som forbruger, al den industri arbejder for? Jeg arbejder i hvertfald på at stramme op i mit eget liv, der helt klart også kunne bruge lidt forbedring på det område.

Hvad gør du for at skåne miljøet? Og tror du at der er stort problem?

Her er nogle tiltag jeg godt kan lide:

Fødevarefællesskabet - for dig der bor i KBH. Så kan man få lokalt grønt.

No impact man - måske lidt ekstremovich men han har gode pointer!

Stop spild af mad - Om hvad vores madvaner har af effekt på miljøet

Og drikkedunke frem for kildevand, termokrus til kaffen osv.

Dømmer du heller aldrig andre? (Copy)

Jeg ville så gerne sige, at jeg aldrig dømmer andre. Men det gør jeg. Helt pr. automatik. Det gør vi alle, nogen mere end andre måske. Vi har alle den fantastiske egenskab, at vi kan forsvare enhver handling, og ofte også vores fordømmelser. I aften skal jeg undervise "mindfulness fortsætter" holdet, og jeg vil tage emnet "at dømme sig selv op". For den evne er om noget lige så vel udviklet som det at dømme andre... Er den ik? I den forbindelse fandt jeg et lille digt, som jeg synes var meget sjov. :) Og måske en lille reminder... hehe

a poem about judging others

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake.

"And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock. No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge NOT.

Jeg fandt den her: http://texandave.blogspot.com/2009/09/poem-about-judging-others.html

Zen for mødre (Copy)

  Jeg har spurgt nogle kvinder, som jeg finder enormt inspirerende, om at skrive et indlæg til bloggen. De kommende måneder kommer deres bud på hvordan man kan få mere ro i hverdagen her. Jeg er enormt glad for at de har valgt at bruge tid på det. :) Her kommer Anna Skyggebjergs (forfatter til Zen mødre og Super mor) indlæg. Kh Carina

Zen for mødre

Er hverdagen hektisk? Glemmer du at trække vejret i bund? Glemmer du at gøre plads i din hverdag til ro, nærvær og fordybelse?

Den dårlige nyhed er, at sådan er det for de fleste mødre med små børn.

Den gode nyhed er, at det ikke behøver at være sådan. En hverdag med Zen-fyldte åndehuller er lige om hjørnet. Du behøver hverken at købe et ”starter kit”, at blive buddhist eller at melde dig til et 12-punkts program. Alt, hvad der skal til for at opleve Zen i hverdagen, er, at du finder nogle ritualer, som giver dig en følelse af, at du har ”a room of your own”, hvor du kan trække vejret i bund.

Her er mine tre helt enkle ritualer, der giver mig et Zen-fyldt åndehul om aftenen, når børnene er puttet.

1: Jeg trækker mig tilbage til soveværelset, slukker lyset, tænder stearinlys og tager 15 minutter i meditativ ro.

2: Jeg synker ned i min Nødhjælpskasse, som er en kasse, jeg har fyldt op med ting, der gør mig godt på hårde dage.

3: Jeg skriver taknemmelighedsdagbog, altså ”fem ting, jeg er taknemmelig for i dag”.

Selv på de travleste dage er Zen muligt! Og på de dage, hvor det alligevel ikke er, ja, der tilgiver man sig selv. For Zen handler nemlig også om at acceptere, at man ikke altid kan gøre det så godt, som man gerne vil. Og faktisk: Det er en stor lettelse og kilde til Zen at give slip på alle de store forventninger og acceptere livet, som det er lige nu. Og så have tillid til, at det ændrer sig efterhånden og kommer til at gå alt sammen.

Anna Skyggebjerg er mor til Jacob og Elise på 10 og 15 år. Hun har skrevet bøgerne ”Super Mor. Smutveje for enlige mødre – og andre seje kvinder, der vil have en nemmere hverdag” og ”Zen for mødre. Åndehuller du vil nyde, i en hverdag du vil elske!”

Følg Anna på hendes blog, ”Hele 3 ting”, hvor hun hver dag skriver om Zen i hverdagen: blog.annaskyggebjerg.dk

Getting lost in the woods. (Copy)

This summer I needed a break from the city, the internet and my iPhone! My daughter and I took off, with some of my family to Sweden. In the middle of no where, a little house just sat there waiting.

It was so peaceful and the air so fresh, that I instantly felt at ease.

The past few years going through time with serveral anxiety attacks a day, becoming a mom and struggling with feeling sane enough for it..., and opening up to my sensitivity more, living in the city has become a bit of a stress factor. Living in constant noise doesn't have great effect on my system. So I knew this would be just what I needed.

Even the shower was amazing, standing butt naked with a full front view of the woods. And no peeping Toms.

The toilet being very good for the environment, was not so much a place for meditation...

This trip reminded me of the importance of re-charging, creating space in my life, and that although full of life, the city and being online ALL THE TIME, does have a negative effect on me and my stress level. And even better, to my big surprise of course, the city and my partner DID survive without me for a while...

The blog post is kicking off the blog, again. so this fall will be time for writing and hopefully interacting with you all.

Review: Mommy meditations (Copy)

  I was very thrilled when I was contacted, and asked to review this cd. Providing a cd that for new mothers is something that I would like to do at some point. I am glad that there is an offer for women with smallchildren. I know it is needed, and our children benefit so much from a happy mother.

It took a while for it to get to me, not on the mommy meditation’s fault though. We live in a world where anything is possible - apart from downloading a mp3 from amazon and itunes because I am based in Denmark - amazing... But it made its way. : )

The 15 min. meditation is great for finding a sense of calm in a time with a lot of change and no sleep.  The cd is short and has the essentials. I know from my own experience that short is good when time is the same.

There is a guided meditation, a track with music, and also a good introduction to the hows and whys. You aren’t left to guess or spend time wondering if you are doing it right. I think that was very smart and you can relax into the meditation. They cleverly put the introduction on a seperate track, so you don’t have to listen to it everytime, and as you get more experienced.

If I am to critique anything it would be the use of the word mommy between adults. I am not a big fan, and would prefer mom or mother instead. But that is not important during the meditations.

I would recommend the Mommy meditation cd for new moms. And I am grateful for the chance to enjoy the meditations myself.

Aware Parenting and Living a Conscious Life By Hannah Andrews (Copy)

Aware Parenting is a term coined by Aletha Solter. It is a parenting paradigm that has transformed families and their children around the world. Families practicing Aware Parenting raise healthy (both physically and emotionally) children that are willing to co-operate, have respect for other people and are willing and able to learn. Aletha has written 4 books; The Aware Baby, Raising Drug-Free Kids, Tears & Tantrums and Helping Young Children Flourish. Aware Parenting supports children’s full scale of emotions. It seems in today’s society that whenever a child cries, we immediately do all we can to stop it. Crying is a normal human emotion, just like anger, sadness, frustration and is just like happiness, joy and bliss, except on the other end of the scale. As we move into a new era of change through breaking down of old systems and Mother Earth showing us that the way the world is living is not 100% working. We need change, and starting with our children is where it is at.

Aletha’s books are full of research confirming that tears contain certain hormones that are released from the body, through tears when crying. As with all other means of elimination through the body ie toilet, sweat, nose and mouth, these functions of the physical body all have a very definite purpose. When all your child’s physical needs have been met, and they are still crying – what do you do? All you need to do is move in close, let them know you are here for them, it is ok to cry and be present with them. Let them know you love them and that you are not leaving them when they are upset. Let them get it all out with your loving presence.

Crying is a feeling. Some people say, well children don’t have stress, babies don’t have stress they ‘should’ be happy all the time. The truth is that babies do get stressed, children do get stressed. Going to the shopping centre is overwhelming as is a day at childcare. What we consider not stressful, for a child still learning about the world is very stressful. A baby coming out of a womb into cold air, smells, sounds and even the experience of learning how to use their physical body – is very stressful. What we take for granted, they are still learning. Ever been to a new place and get lost because you don’t know where you are or how to get where you need to go? Is that stressful? Can that be frightening if you are in a country you don’t speak their language? This is how it is for children all the time. The only way they can release and heal – is through crying. Supported crying with an empathetic listener.

Embracing children for all that they are is accepting all parts of them. The happiness as well as the sadness. If crying is a normal human emotion and it is scientifically proven the benefits and stress release through crying and we are not listening to our children’s crying when they are young, what message does that tell them? What do you do when your child cries? If all their physical needs are met, what do you do if they are still crying? How do you feel when they are crying? If you are uncomfortable with crying there is a way for change. Most of society is uncomfortable with crying due to the way they were treated when they were a child crying. When your child cries are you doing the same thing that was done to you? By living a conscious life and being aware of your own feelings, you have the power to change the way you respond to your child’s behavior - whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What do you do when you are upset? How do you feel when you have finished a big cry?

If your goal is to raise healthy children who are connected to their true self, then I highly recommend learning more about Aware Parenting and looking to your own past to heal the hurts that are preventing you from being truly connected to your children and family in healthy intimate ways.

To learn more visit

www.awareparenting.com

www.parentingwithpresence.net

www.realityawareness.com

About Hannah:

Yoga teacher, Spiritual teacher and Mother, Hannah completed her Yoga Teacher Training in 2008 after 3 years of intense personal practise. Increased physical energy, mental clarity, alertness and increasing conscious awareness is fueling her passion to pass this valuable and life giving gift onto others.

Growing up through a dysfunctional family system, peers led her into a dark period of high risk drug taking as a teenager. Through a journey of intense personal transformation after hitting rock bottom in 2004, Yoga became the new high. With committed practise, the drugs naturally fell away. Inner transformation occurred as the body and mind were stretched to new limits. Whilst completing her training as a Yoga Teacher, she experienced a pregnancy coupled with Domestic Violence. Throughout all this, Yoga has been the lifesaver - with it's natural anti-depressant remedies, the physical strength building the emotional strength, and the peace that she feels when moving through the Asanas, she has found her heart in something she loves and is passionate about sharing this experience with others.

Training as a Lightworker Practitioner in 2005 allowed her to become aware of how the Spiritual affects the Physical. This has lead to a new way of Being, one which is positively transformational. Hannah loves sharing 'what works' and strongly agrees with empowering clients with tools and knowledge. This enables the client to have resources available and the capability to take responsibility to shift their life from negative to positive.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting has allowed her to expand her awareness to new heights. Practicing Aware Parenting with her daughter, her journey has increased to a new heightened awareness which she brings into her Yoga classes through feeling and breath. To experience, accept and claim all parts of ourselves, can see us returning to the wholeness for which we are in Truth.

Hannah teaches with authenticity, awareness and breath and trusts that the experience you have from being in her presence, will give you a new lease on life, even if only for a moment. Let the transformation begin.

Judgement day (Copy)

I used to work in customerservice, and I would daily be called “a bitch, f... off, your are no good” and so on. People felt a need to vent and I was on the phone, so I wasn’t a person. Those were the terms, and days could be verrrrryyy long. More and more over the years, we don’t deal with people, we deal with screens, phones, emails, machines. We don’t have to think of the minds, hearts, lives of the online folks, as we are not faced with their eyes, vibrations, face to face talks.

It is so easy to let out and let loose, and never ever have to face the hurt feelings on the other end. The work, and ruined days of other human beings. Are we becoming a society that doesn’t have to care about other peoples feelings, and therefore we don’t? Have we in our ability to hide in cyber space, taken the right to lash out everytime we feel slightly annoyed?

I was given a little gift yesterday. It was a man who wrote me comment about my ebook saying “this was marketing elephant shit”. - and I am sure it was to him.

After reading it, I started to shake a little, butterflies in my stomach, stress levels rising, a feeling of not being good enough, felt nervous, sad, angry. Thoughts arised such as, “does everyone think that?, am I no good?, do people feel like I am full of it?, should I take it off?, remove all of the links to the book?, I put so much work into it, how dare he, I thought it was good, oh no!” etc. I wanted to defend myself, convince him that I am a good person, who truely wants to do good and bla bla bla.

I try my best not to be rude, and never give my, over the phone or online meetings, an online roar. Even if I know the feeling of reading something someone else put out there, thinking “this is not very valuble”, or feeling like letting the phone lady have it, feeling like writing an email in rage, because it is instant and easy relief.

The judging side of my being. Being very hard on others, at times where I feel that something wasn’t authentic. Thinking I know exactly what authentic is. I know better, and having no problem with letting others know how I feel - I have the right.

I sometimes forget that it is a person I am dealing with, that we are connected as human beings, and that I am not just bouncing around in the world on my own. What I do, say and vibrate matters.

Today was a reminder for me, to touch base with those feelings. To take a look at, the times where I let my autopilot take over, and the “I know better” mentality kicks in. And instead touch kindness, and awknowledge the time and heart they put into something. That I don’t know their intentions, backgrounds, hearts, minds. It was a reminder for me to stay open, and have a look inside, when the urge to judge arises. That I don’t have to like everything, and let it be.

I am grateful for the oppurtunity today, to let my inner judge Judy take the day off.

Create Mindful Moments Everyday. By Raelynn Maloney, Ph.D (Copy)

I recently published a book designed to help parents integrate mindful presence into their everyday parenting. Waking Up: A Parent’s Guide to Mindful Awareness and Connection introduces parents to the practice of mindful presence. Mindful presence grounds you in the moment with your child. It anchors you in the here-and-now and allows you to truly experience what is real and alive in your parent-child relationship.

Consciously creating mindful moments in your daily life is easier than you think, especially when, as a parent, you realize that your child has been waiting for you in the present moment all along.

Creating mindful moments is about using what is right in front of you, right now, to connect with and tune into your child. It is about consciously bringing purpose to any interaction through a laugh, a look, a book, a smile. A “moment of presence” is about using your full awareness to make a connection. It is a moment when you are fully paying attention to what is happening internally for you and externally around you. It’s as if you let everything fade into the background except what is in front of you and available to you here and now (the laugh, the look, the book, anything).

You can experience a whole new way to connect with your child. Start today by taking this moment to stop and treat yourself to a full, deep breath. Drop into yourself and feel your center. Look over the three moments described below, apply them to your own parent-child interaction, and transform your every day into mindful moments.

Everyday Mindful Moments

Morning

• How can I mindfully wake my child for the day?

“As I wake my child for the day, I am conscious of wanting her to enter the day positively and peacefully, therefore, I bring positive and peaceful energy with me into the interaction.”

Afternoon

• How can I mindfully greet my child after school?

“I put my phone in the console and watch my son approach. I smile when I see him. I give him a high-five or a fist-bump when he jumps into the car.”

Evening

• How can I be mindfully present at bedtime?

“Instead of yelling up the stairs to ask my daughter to start getting ready for bed, I climb the steps. When I am closer to her, I speak directly and in a normal tone, bringing a positive, healthy energy into our night.”

Find out more about Raelynn Maloney here:

Counseling Practice- http://www.amindfulplace.com

Book:Waking Up: A Parent's Guide - http://www.wakingupwithawareness.com

Book: Caring for Donor Families- http://www.caringfordonorfamilies.com

Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/raelynnmaloney

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/raelynnmaloneyphd

Twitter - http://twitter.com/raelynnmaloney

The time I feel most present... By Zach Rosen (Copy)

I would like to thank Carina, from way across the ocean, to ask me to

contribute to this 'being mindful with your child' blog, as a dad. I
have followed and learned from Carina's postings (and circulated them in
our neighborhood through parent email groups!) and it felt great to be
asked to contribut. So here goes:

The time I feel most present with B, our nine-about-to-be-ten year old
is, maybe strangely enough, when she is about to go to sleep and, maybe
even more strangely enough, when we watch television together. When B is
about to go to sleep, we both go through the ritual of her brushing her
teeth, or us brushing her teeth together. I love the smell of the
toothpaste, and the way she looks at herself in the mirror when she is
brushing her teeth.Loving brushing teeth a bit strange I suppose, but I
find it fun anyway.

Also, when B is furiously tearing through her night clothing, trying to
figure out what is the best night outfit to put on (the pajamas are too
hot or the bottoms are too tight or the colors don't match, or
whatever), given I have no attachment whatsoever to style or clothing
preference, it's easy to sit back and watch her in all her furious glory
and to provide whatever emotional and/or other support she needs.

I love putting on the blanket and sheet 'the right way' (as my mom did
to me when I was a child, first throwing the blanket in the air and then
as it descends, a cool breeze comes down first and then the sheet or
blanket). I love picking out which stuffed animal she wants to go to
sleep with, over the ten million (exaggeration, clearly) animals there
are to choose from.

My favorite way of 'being there' is when B, a procrastinator of sleep,
will talk about any and all things that are bothering her (mainly
bothering her) as she falls asleep. We've developed a ritual where I
sing her "The Sh'ma" a several verse Jewish prayer that by now, brings
her to yawning and falling asleep. Then my more favorite thing is after
B is asleep, I listen to her breathing, the sounds of the cars going by
and the wind on the windows.

This is the easier stuff. The harder stuff for me in being mindful with
B is just plain old playing around. My dad never played with me like
other dads did. He did, however, take the time from his obsessive
preoccupation with his business and his worsening depression, to draw
with me and to talk science stuff. Didn't happen much, but did happen
from time to time and these moments are fond moments to me.

So with B and me, working on an art or science project together (of
late, Daddy I'm sick of drawing all I do is drawing there is nothing
else to do in the house) comes naturally to be present with her -
however, I feel completely bereft at playing any kind of games were her,
and because of physical bad back type limitations, have a great deal of
trouble even throwing a ball around with her. The other doing-type-thing
that comes naturally is swimming and I feel great that I've taken her
swimming since she was a baby and today she loves to swim and is a great
swimmer too (non-competitive, just for fun).

The past year has been difficult for me professionally, very big time
transition from one job to another, very difficult and very draining of
my attention to the personal area of my life. The not so great thing is
that the worry and attention to that area, at first, drained my
attentional capacity at home. The VERY great thing, is that my new job
allows me more time at home, no late night, every night working and, in
general, less stress and therefore more ability to 'be' with B in the
many aspects of her life, from picking her up at the bus to being with
her at night

Oh yeah, I did say one of my favorite things to do with B where I feel
present is to watch television together (yeah, I know, not in the list
of mindful activities to do with kids, but c'est la vie) and so there is
also MOVIE NIGHT!

B and I both get to eat in the family room and watch movies together,
laughing at the same time, exchanging looks when someone in the movie
says something ridiculous or heartful and then rating the movie together
carefully at the end of each movie with a thumbs up, down or thumbs in
the middle and then saying why. Yeah, yeah, I know watching movies is
not your typical "being there with the kid" type image, but that's how
she and I enjoy ourselves in that way!

After meditating I am much more present with B and with everything for
that matter, but in the course of the day, the presence gained through
meditation, I find, fades quickly. So my energy goes to meditating in
life, bringing my attention to the present, taking in each morsel that
life has to offer.

I am getting better at being mindful, but still am an ADHD mindless boob
at heart (no mistake there - NOT mindful, mindLESS) type wanderer - -
much more often than I would like. Compassion for myself in failing to
be present much more often that I would like - big time task (saying to
myself, DADDY BE THERE MORE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER - as B says to me the
same thing over and over as I am distracted - ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

So, all in all I'd give myself a thumbs up on some days for being
mindful and a thumbs down for my preoccupied days and a thumbs in the
middle for the half and half days. Like with a lot of things, I'm
betting on practice getting my mindful self more in tune and my mindless
self a bit less practice, and, hopefully be more present for B and
myself as well.

Zach

Find Zach and learn here:

www.twitter.com/buddahbear01

http://twitter.com/#!/buddahbear01><http://buddahbear01.wordpress.com/

Mindful Parenting. By Michelle Sedas (Copy)

I’m delighted that Carina invited me to write a guest post for her Mindful Parenting series. I must admit that even though she reminded me that this post is, “not about being an expert, it is about being human,” I was still hesitant. In fact, I am a week late turning in this post, and for this deadline-driven writer, that is a rare occurrence, indeed. As may be the case with many of you, Mindfulness is not something that comes easily for me. I began studying it recently in order to alleviate anxiety. As a full-time mom and wife and a part-time writer, trying (with all my might) to juggle everything often leaves me feeling anxious. Yet what drives me to improve myself is my love for my family.

While being able to stay easily accessible to others with today’s technology can be good, staying in constant contact can become addictive. I must make a conscious effort to go off-line so that I can focus on what matters most. And with all of life’s demands bombarding us, it can become easy to get caught up in our jobs, hobbies, and volunteer work. I believe, though, that the quality of our relationships create the quality of our lives, and my most sacred relationships are those that I have with my family.

I remind myself on a daily, at times hourly, basis, to be present for my children. To look them in the eyes when they are speaking. To ask open-ended questions to encourage them to engage in conversation. To notice when they act with kindness or compassion and to praise them for it. As part of our routine, each afternoon, we play soothing music throughout the house and spend time together. We play puzzles or games or read. This is one of my favorite family rituals, allowing us an opportunity to enjoy one another’s company. It is also our family tradition to always eat dinner together at the table. For us, this time is priceless and we spend it talking about our days.

Being present with my children often requires that I turn off my phone and hide it in a drawer. Or that I completely shut down my computer so that I’m not temped to multi-task. There are times, however, when I do slip up. When I’m not fully present for my children. In those moments, I remind myself that I am a work in progress. I am making an effort to become a more relaxed and mindful parent. And, as Carina says, I am, after all, human.

~Michelle Sedas

Michelle Sedas is the author of Welcome The Rain, Live Inspired, and the coauthor ofThe Power of 10%. She is the cofounder of Running Moms Rock and the host of the Inspired Living Cafe. Her stories have appeared in five Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

Follow her on facebook www.Facebook.com/MichelleSedasAuthor

Visit Michelle on her site http://www.michellesedas.com,Twitter @MichelleSedas

The art of making magic moments. By Susana Hooper (Copy)

“Analiah is laughing at herself every time she snorts like a pig. Or maybe she's laughing at me laughing at her when she sorts like a pig.  Either way, we can’t stop laughing!” I live for moments like these.  Simple moments that warm my heart and make me feel so alive. These are my ‘magic moments’.

Moments when my to-do list escapes my mind. Moments when I'm not thinking about the past or planning about the future. Moments when I don't care what I look like or who’s watching. Moments when I'm oblivious to the chaos mess around me. Moments when I'm out of my head long enough to be completely present in the here and now.

For me, there is a subtle difference between being ‘present’ with my children and ‘playing’ with my children...and my kids feel the difference.

When I ‘play’ with my kids, my body is there but my mind is usually a million miles away, and I lack the enthusiasm required to totally accept and enjoy that precious moment of being with my children. I’m suddenly more interested in cleaning the house, checking my iphone for updates, or finishing that article; anything but playing handball or hairdresses or hide and seek.

But when I’m present with my kids, my mind is EXACTLY where my body is. There’s this whole new dimension that adds so much more meaning to the moment. There’s a greater awareness and a deeper connection.

So how exactly does one be present with their children? For me, it’s all in the little things.

It’s looking them in their eyes when they speak to us or when we speak to them. It's truly listening to what they have to say without cutting them off or finishing their sentences. It's joining in and getting involved, instead of just watching from the sideline. It’s seeing things from their eyes and being a child all over again. It's saying yes a whole lot more and saying no a whole lot less. It’s taking a moment to breathe when your patience is wearing thin. It’s observing your emotions before reacting to a situation. It’s letting them be who they are and letting go of who we think they should be.

It’s the very same little things that add more meaning and a deeper connection to any relationship, not just between parent and child. It’s no wonder then, that the more present I am with my kids the more calm and cooperative they are; they show more initiative and have more confidence; and on the whole, our home is filled with much more harmony + happiness.

So when ‘magic moments’ aren’t happening, I remind myself to come back to the present moment. And the fastest way to get there is to breathe.

Yep. Just breathe.

Because whenever you are conscious of your breath, you are absolutely present.

And when you are absolutely present, magic moments happen.

Susana Frioni is a yoga teacher + a lover of sacred commerce. She lives on the Sunshine Coast, Australia and share cares her 2 children with their father. She shares her insights + discoveries at www.ramblingepicure.blogspot.com

How does your child see you? By Jamie Stacks (Copy)

Mindfulness…as a mental health therapist I talk about mindfulness all the time.  I explain it to clients, encourage them to use it, plan programs around it and read books about it.  Since I started studying mindfulness in about 2008 the concept has fascinated me.  It makes so much sense and appears so simple.  Be here, be present, focus on what is.  Sounds simple yet is so very difficult to actually implement!!! As a mother I try to model what I want for my daughter.  This too is so much easier said than done.  Life is busy, we have work, school, family, friends, etc. and multi-tasking is easier to do now than ever before.  We can check email and other social media on the phone or computer, text etc.  This can be good or bad.  It “in theory” allows me to be with my daughter and work and talk to my friends all at the same time…huh?  Does it really let me do all that?

Maybe I am not really doing any of it when I try to do it all at the same time.  How many of us cook dinner ( I don’t really cook) and play with the kids and watch TV at the same time?  Do you remember what you watched?  Do you remember what your child said to you?  My guess is not really you just weren't really there!  We have to slow down, focus, do what we are doing to really get it and ‘be present”.

I search online for mindfulness info quite often and one tidbit really caught my eye a few months ago.  It impacted me so much that I think about it often and even share it with my families in therapy.  It is this or something close  “If you were your child right now, what would you think about yourself?”  How does your child see you?  Happy, unhappy, mad, calm, sad? How your child perceives you is his/her reality. It doesn’t really matter what your intentions are.  It matters how they see you.  If they see you doing many things at once yet not really "doing" any of them they will do the same.

True story, my daughter who is 3 will get her purse and her computer and walk around on her phone talking while she is “leaving” for work?  Wonder where she got that?  That is not what I want my daughter to think of when she thinks of me.  I want her to think of playing and relaxing and just being together.  I want her to think comfort and consistency.  If I don’t give her this, she will not get it.  It is my responsibility as a parent to slow down and be with my daughter.  Enjoy her at every age and every phase.   I ask myself that more now “Would I want to be my child right now?”  If the answer is no and it often is then how can I change that?

My goal is to put my computer up when I get home from work and just be with my baby until bedtime.  Email, Facebook and Twitter will all be there when we are done playing and “being”.  I want and intend to let her lead the time…color if she wants to color, read if she wants to read.  She deserves me to be present with her everyday for this time.  If I don’t make this a reality for it her then it won’t be.  This is not something you can go back and do over.  Everyday is 24 hours…be mindful of how you spend your time.  We don’t get it back but we do have a chance to start fresh from this moment on!  Go….how can you be a more mindful parent and give your children what they need?

Provided by Jamie L. Summers Stacks, LPC.  Jamie is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has been providing therapy since 1998.  Jamie graduated from Henderson State University in 1998 with a Master’s of Science in Community Counseling.  She has experience with a variety of different populations.  Her experiences have included working as an outpatient and inpatient therapist for adults, teenagers and children.  Jamie has been in private practice since 2009 and she is thrilled to be able to try some innovative and exciting new things. Jamie is licensed as an LAC Supervisor to provide individual and group supervision and has a specialization to provide technology assisted counseling and supervision.  She thinks that everyone should love what they do and create a career that works for them and those they help.

Jamie practices psychotherapy with adult women and adolescent girls, individually or with their families/partners. The focus of her practice is helping women and girls to recover from anxiety, depression and addictions.  You can follow her blog at www.jamiestacks.blogspot.com.

Mindfully not Present by Yael Brisker (Copy)

A friend's daughter died of cancer this morning. She was 14. Suddenly everything comes into perspective. Suddenly all our words evaporate into thin air, our loving, caring, educating, teaching, scolding, directing , organizing words just go poof! All those moments ...

And still... I have a post to write.

Since Carina asked me to write this post, I have been walking around with a flashlight even bigger than usual - looking at myself, my kids, the people around me, but mostly at myself, with a critical eye. How present am I? In all daily activities, eating, getting dressed, doing the dishes.

Presence.

It's such a powerful word for me.

I've been playing, thinking, meditating, guilt-ing, learning about it since my kids were young, and still now, when they are 11, wondering how to live with it in peace, and better still, how to do/be it. I have noticed that no matter what I'm doing, if I take a little moment and breath in and out mindfully, I can be present, right here right now. It’s that simple. So what keeps me from being in that state more often?

I have twins, a boy and a girl. From the start it was clear to me that I wanted to give them a different quality of parenting than I received. I put my artwork on hold, I breast-fed them until they were three, didn't send them to school or kindergarten till they were 6.5. I believed in child-led learning (still do). I joined attachment parenting groups on the net, learned Nonviolent Communication. To better understand their needs, I read books on child development, The Continuum Concept, homeschooling, you name it. I was convinced I knew the "right" way of bringing them up, and I was sure that since I gave them my physical presence, I was also there mentally, emotionally...

When they were younger, I remember reading that if you give your child 5-10 minutes focused attention ( I'm talking between 2-5 years old) their cup fills up and you "earn" yourself 20 minutes of time to yourself, chores etc. Sometimes, just the fact that they know you're there is enough for them to continue playing peacefully. When they say: "Look at me" -  it doesn't mean look at me now for the next hour - it's the energy...

So far, I've been talking about what or how I did my best to give to my kids. But what about me? How present could I really be when my own unmet needs were shouting out to be acknowledged, met, understood? Is this what keeps me from being here more?

When they were six, I seperated from their father and moved with them to another town. Now, my time with them is divided up. Now, when I'm with them, I'm more pre-occupied with everyday matters. And when they're not here, when they go to their father's, there's a void that's incomprehensible.

In Nonviolent Communication, the concept of Empathy is based  first and foremost on being present when listening. It's a certain quality of connection in which you are empty of your own agenda, and therefore able to BE completely with another in their situation.

My kids can't be fooled (and I bet your kids too). They know when I am with them completely, or not. Yasmin will say to me: Ema (Mom in Hebrew), when I talk to you and you say mm-hhhmmm to me, I know you're not there. I always acknowledge the fact, because hey, I can't deny it, can I? (-:

As I'm writing this, my daughter suddenly says: Ema, what are you doing? I'm writing a post. Maybe you can write something about life and death, I mean from your perspective? She's thinking about the child that died.

Here I get stuck. What's my message?

The other day, my brother came to see us. He lives in the States and is a CEO of a software company. Yuval is also a follower of Tich Naht Hanh. Normally, when he arrives, we go see him at my Mother's, and yet he's almost always busy. This time he came to us. He didn't bring his laptop, we don't have cable TV. There were no distractions...(well almost) we just sat around the living room, eating talking. Suddenly he saw our book on Origami and started folding papers with my son. The kids played piano for him. It was a sweet evening. We connected in a way we hadn't done for ages - what simple happiness!

What comes up for me as I write these words is that despite the world we live in, and our continuous self scrutiny, we haven't lost the capacity for being with each other. And when we do, however imperfect and not completely mindful we are, ultimately, nothing feels better.

What do you think?

Yael Brisker is a mother of twins, artist, metalsmith, Nonviolent Communication and Empathy skills teacher,  a student of Biosynthesis - a body oriented psycoptherapy. A big chunk of her childhood was spent in the States, during the 60’s which must have influenced her somewhat idealistic outlook on life! She currently lives with her kids in Israel. You can find her at www.yaelbrisker.com .She also has a page devoted to Empathic Connections on Facebook

http://tinyurl.com/5tv3zeu

Presence in Parenting (Copy)

Today we start the "Presence in Parenting" series on this blog. Over the next few weeks women from around the world will guest post on the blog. They will discuss, tell stories, and hopefully inspire to ways of being present as a parent in today's society.

Is presence the same as living by your children's rules? Is it giving in to every little demand that the little cutie pies come up with? Is it the same as playing with your child all day? What does "Presence in Parenting" mean?

I know that mindfulness is by some called the new black - I was told the other day at a session, I love that expression. : ) To be mindful has been used as a pill to bring peace, be more effective and you name it. But it means awareness. Ha... well is that it... awareness? It does not mean to be something that you are not, it is to be aware of what is in this moment, without judgement.

So can we be mindful parents, just as we are? And can we come from all over the world, with all of our different stories, live in our different relationships, and religions? We can, and I belive that the world is in need of being where we are with the people we have brought into this world... To be aware, with whatever is. To show up in our lives instead of always in the future or past.

I am truly grateful for those of you willing to share. Thank you. We will post the stories twice a week.

Please comment, and share and if you would like to post please write me.

xo

It's important (Copy)

It has been a while since the last post. I have been trying to find some direction in business, blogging and life. Well I found A direction and sticking to it for now. In the next few days I will have two articles come out... One in Elephant Journal and one on a Danish site called JuniorBusiness. Both are about presence in parenting. I am Sh*tting myself. I feel so strongly about the subject but also feel a little scared that people won't "like" them. So why are we (some of us) so afraid of not getting other peoples approval?  Why is it important? I am working on letting go, and will let go of the articles from my mailbox in a moment.

The reason why I want them out there, is to bring some attention to presence in parenthood. Create a talk about how do we slow down, and just be with our kids. Is there a lack of moments where we just are. Has the culture created a situation where we don't even know how be present anymore? And in that process I am showing my dirty laundry. Where I lack the ability to just be as a mother and I guess that is hard for me, still, to admit.

Starting April 4th there will be a series of women from around the world guest posting here on the blog. Sharing their thoughts, stories and tips about the subject. I hope you will join the talk, comment and read their awesome posts. I hope it will create food for thought, and maybe shift some focus in the way we do things right now. The world is in need of a little less doing and a little more being.

xox

The wonder broom (Copy)

Do you know the feeling of repeatative movements having a calming effect on you? Or do you just feeling bored? : )

Working meditation is a part of a lot of mindfulness or vipassana retreats. Do you we bring the working meditation into our homes? Or are they tasks that just need to get done?

We are used to vaccuming a lot in this house. Little feet and hands everywhere and with that crumbs and food galore. I just bought a broom. I find it very calming to sweep my floor. It was my way of turning an annoying mess into a little meditation practice. It is peacful compared to the vacumcleaner and the only time I really like to vacum is when I hear dirt going down the tube... is that just me?

To go with the broom my partner bought a power hoop... repeatative (painful) movement that I am still trying to find the calming in using.

Do things like that calm you down? Knitting, sewing, rowing any other -ing?

5 ways to bring Mindfulness into your day (Copy)

I often hear how hard it is to fit a meditation practice into everyday life. No time, no motivation, no support from home. Mindfulness doesn’t only have to be meditation on the cusion or lying down. It can involve other activities as well.

Bringing attention to doing the dishes, brushing your teeth or changing a diaper etc. are ways of supporting presence in your life. A lot of those activities are things we often hurry to get over and done with. It might create tension because we would rather be doing something else. A challenge this week is to bring mindulness into those activities. Let me know how it goes. : )

Here are 5 exercises that may inspire you to ways of mindfulness in your everyday life.

1. Before getting out of bed in morning, spend 3-5 minutes just following you breath. Feeling your inbreath and your outbreath. Bringing attention to your body and the sensations that arise. Keeping your eyes closed just taking a few minutes to tune in before continuing with your day.

2. If you are waiting at a red light. In your car, or as a lot of people here in Denmark, on your bicycle. Touch base with your breathing, feel the wind against your face, the sounds around you. Observe what is on your mind, how you feel right there in that moment. The key word is observe not change.

3. Eat a meal or a snack in silence. Taste, smell, feel what you are eating. Try not to sit in front of the computer or TV while you eat. You could also do the same with a cup of tea. Take it all in. Bring awareness to the fact that you are eating or drinking.

4. Pick a routine activity you do everyday. How does your body feel, while you are doing it? Is there any tension, relaxation? Do any feelings arise - resistance, annoyence, happiness or any other feelings. Do any thoughts occur? Observe your mindstate and body. Being present with what you are doing eventhough you might want to be doing something else.

5. While waiting in line, on hold with customerservice, waiting for the computer to turn on, on the bus. Close your eyes and follow your breath for a minute. Allow yourself to take a few minutes of silence. You are stuck there anyway. Use the time for meditation.

Kindness in the trash. (Copy)

As I have mentioned before, we live in the more colorful part of Copenhagen. When we look out of the window at night, we mostly see drunk people, young people being loud, sexshops, prostitutes... well you get the picture. Eventhough it sounds rough, I actually love this part of town. It is full of life and to see people live side by side like that is interesting to observe. The other night I was looking out the window. On the street there was a bike with a basket, someone had dumped some trash in the basket. A young guy in baggy trousers walked by, picked up the trash, and put in the garbagecan a few feet away. That was it, he just kept walking. It was really nothing, and then again it was a big deal. He didn’t have to, he wouldn’t get any credit for it, no one would really know that there had been garbage in the basket. Yet he did it anyway. What a man.

The selfless good deed has become a subject to research in the last 20 years. Stephen G. Post, PhD, a professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, has says "There are ample studies showing that when people receive generosity and compassion, there is a positive effect on their health and well-being. Brain chemicals also enter into this picture of altruism. A recent study has identified high levels of the "bonding" hormone oxytocin in people who are very generous toward others. Oxytocin is the hormone best known for its role in preparing mothers for motherhood. Studies have also shown that this hormone helps both men and women establish trusting relationships."

I find that even seeing or hearing about someone who did something good for others, improves my state of mind. The urge to do something for nice myself is almost instant. I felt really happy, seing the guy pick up the trash. That expample only shows, that it doesn’t take a lot.

Stephen Post goes on to say “Two large studies found that older adults who volunteered reaped benefits in their health and well-being. Those who volunteered were living longer than nonvolunteers. Another large study found a 44% reduction in early death among those who volunteered a lot -- a greater effect that exercise four times a week.“

With those numbers, we should all do our daily exercise, and do something good for others. It just might be contagious. : )

Please leave your story of a an act of kindness you have done or received.

3 great online resources. (Copy)

So where do you find your inspiration, for your meditation practice? Where do you seek information on how to get started? Of course it depends on what you are looking for I know, but I find that I sometimes spend a lot of time surfing, clicking, reading trough all sorts of useless stuff. I do a lot of research online, and there are a few sites I always come back to. They have something to say. I want to share 3 sites that I love, and that I feel are good contributers to the online mass of meditation info. These sites are not only for insiders, but also for people new to meditation and buddhisme. I hope that they can answer some questions or inspire you to ask some new ones.

Mindful.org

This site has everything. Reviews, articles and really good resource lists. There are also some really great audio and videos. It is a fairly new site that I came across, because they did a, one time only, printed addition. When you enter the site it, is very easy to navigate through and you can find things fairly quick. I must say it can answer nearly any question you might have regarding mindfulness. There are great stories about how mindfulness is entering schools, hospitals etc. Some awesome people contribute to the content.

Mindful.org is a project of Shambala Sun, which brings me to the next site:

Shambhala Sun

I it is orginally a best-selling printed buddhist magazine. Their online site offers loads of the articles that you also can find in the printed mag. They write about themselves: “Inspired by the wisdom and compassion of Buddhist practice, the Shambhala Sun is devoted to the principle that true human wisdom is not the property of any one religion or culture.” That’s is part of what makes it great. It opens up for all readers. As a part of the site they have a blog - SunSpace Blog. Again it is filled with great posts by some of the most respected teachers in the world. If you feel the urge to hit the BUY button at some point, you will not be disapointed with a subscription.

Elephantjournal

It might be a bit overwhelming when you enter the site for the first time. They have ALOT of content. That is also the upside, you can find almost anything on meditation, yoga, greenliving, organics, genuine spirituality and as they say “anything that helps us to live a good life that also happens to be good for others, and our planet.” I also like the fact they open up to “ordinary” people, so they can offer content. Which I find makes it very down to earth, and gives you a broad perspective on the various subjects. You can follow them on twitter as well. I don't know why but I almost always smile when I enter the site, there is a really happy vibe to it.

Good luck surfing. :)