Krig, fødsel og død... (Copy)

I disse dage går vi og venter på, at vores andet barn melder sin ankomst. Det er en underlig følelse at vide, at lige om lidt så ændrer verden sig fuldstædig, vi ved ikke hvordan, men ved at det bliver stort. Det er både spændende og også lidt vemodigt. Som med efteråret der i dag viser sig fra sin bedste side, symboliserer at noget dør og noget nyt begynder. I dag er det præcis 11 år siden at jeg stod overfor en anden kæmpe omvæltning i mit liv. (Jeg er begyndt at skrive minderne ned, så småt og så dukker der en masse op til overfladen.)

Jeg stod i Københavnslufthavn, med en enkeltbillet til Sarajevo, Bosnien. Jeg havde en 6 måneders kontrakt med et Hollandsk firma "Echos" og skulle arbejde som civil på den Amerikanske hærs hovedkvarter, Butmir blandt ca. 3200 soldater fra hele verden.

Mit job var at arbejde sammen med lokale kvinder og mænd og skabe rekreationsområder for soldaterne på basen. Et eventyr jeg havde valgt, fordi jeg synes det var “once in a lifetime” chance for at prøve noget helt anderledes, inden jeg på et tidspunkt skulle blive rigtig voksen...

Der stod jeg og skulle lade mit liv som jeg kendte det dø, og et helt nyt kapitel skulle begynde.

Jeg skriver om det her, fordi at de 1 1/2 år i Balkan, hvor jeg langsomt lod mit sind, min krop, mig selv falde ud i ingenting, også blev min introduktion til mediation. Der er mange gode minder. Men jeg endte alligevel et sted, hvor det eneste jeg havde kontakt til var tømmermænd, adrenalin rushes, andres psykiske forfald, ekstrem had, fortvivelse og en dyb undren over menneskers evne til at tilgive.

Detaljerne er der ikke plads til her, men slutning kom i 2003 da jeg tog hjem for at holde jul. Chokket for min familie var stort. Jeg var mør, faldet fra hinanden, og en rastløshed styrede hver en handling. Jeg fungerede ikke længere i en normal verden. Jeg kendte den ikke længere. Jeg var mistroisk, min evne til at være del i relationer med tillid og ro eksisterede ikke længere. Langsomt tog stress, dødsangst og angstanfaldene over. Jeg havde lukket mig inde i mig selv.

Når jeg mindes de sidste 11 år, så er jeg dybt berørt over, hvor meget det er muligt at hele, tage ansvar, tilgive og hvad et menneske kan gennemgå af skift. I de tider hvor alt virkede håbløst og mit spejlbillede ikke var genkendelig, var der stadig muligheder. Jeg søgte i sin tid meditation, som en måde at komme af med angsten NUUUU. At det blev døren til så meget mere, kan jeg kun være taknemmelig for. Det har været hårdt arbejde, men at lade mig selv blive blød i stedet for hård, at være åben frem for lukket, har vækket mig i live igen.

Nu sidder jeg her 11 år senere, hormonel, sårbar, tyk, med halvveer, og er så klar til at åbne mit hjerte for et lille nyt menneske.

See you on the other side...

Den travle venlighed... (Copy)

Jeg sad i går og skrev på en artikel. I den forbindelse fandt denne video frem igen. Den er fra TED talks, og da jeg så den for nogle år siden gjorde den et stort indtryk på mig! Den tager fat på om vi har for travlt i hverdagen til at være venlige overfor hinanden?? Jeg vil ikke skrive så meget, da jeg vil lade den tale for sig selv.

Det ville dog være fedt, at høre om det sætter nogle tanker igang hos dig? Kan du genkende pointen med travlhed?

Hvis du ikke kan se videoen direkte her fra bloggen, så bruge dette link: http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion.html

Og vinderne blev... (Copy)

Tusind tak til alle jer der delte en kommentar for at deltage i konkurrence om en Citinside cd. Jeg blev utrolig rørt over mange af de ting I delte, og er taknemmelig for jeres åbenhed. Jeg håber, at de to vindere bliver glade for cd'en, og den kan bidrage med noget i jeres hverdag.

Til I andre så kan i lytte til nogle af numrene kvit og frit via af dette link:

http://soundcloud.com/search?q%5Bfulltext%5D=citinside Hvis nogle ønsker at læse mere om projektet kan I gå ind på http://www.citinside.dk/

Til at udvælge brugte jeg en lille nummer generator inde på random.org, så det blev helt fair. Og så (drumroll please)... De to vindere er:

Linda: kommentar nr. 11 og Anja: kommentar nr. 13.

Hvis I vil sende jeres adresser til kontakt@mindfulground.dk så får I cd'en med posten.

VIND en Citinside cd - Et øjebliks ro Vol. 1. (Copy)

  På det seneste har jeg fået tilsendt flere bøger og cd’er med ønske om, at jeg vil anmelde dem her på bloggen og facebook, (de kommer jævnt fordelt henover efteråret). Det gør jeg med glæde. Dog altid med en lille nervøsitet - hvad nu hvis jeg ikke kan lide det, skal man “lyve” eller pynte lidt på det, eller være brutalt ærlig? Hvorfor jeg har det sådan, er der mange grunde til, men lad det være et emne til et andet indlæg...

I dag er det cd’en “Citinside - Et øjebliks ro Vol. 1” af Heidi Frier og Anne Eltard, jeg har fået æren af at lytte til og anmelde. De har også været så søde, at give mig 2 stk. cd’er, til 2 af jer der skriver en lille kommentar nedenfor.

Første indtryk er, at jeg er helt vild med coveret og det enkle design. Det underbygger den enkelthed jeg oplevede, da jeg satte cd'en på. Der er 10 numre i 3 dele. 7 numre med indtalelse og musik, og 3 instrumentale numre.

Som de to selv beskriver det er det en eksperimenterende fusion af lyd og meditationspoesi. Noget som jeg ikke er stødt på før. Det er længe siden, at jeg har brugt guidede cd’er, når jeg mediterer. Endnu mere sjældent er det, at jeg hører meditativ/relax/no stress musik (i den direkte forstand, for rock har også en meditativ virkning på mig). Derfor var jeg spændt på, hvordan det vil virke at lukke øjnene og lade mig guide på denne måde.

Det tog et nummer for mig, at vænne mig til stilen. Til at slippe ideen om hvordan en guidning “normalt” lyder, og lade dette være en helt anden slags rejse. Da 2. nummer startede, havde jeg det som at høre en børnebog, eller et Haiku digt. Det er så befriende simpelt. Det er uproblematisk, og det skabte et rum hvor jeg havde lyst til at være. Jeg fornemmede med det samme byen. Jeg fornemmede også et frirum deri.

Mine personlige favoritter er del 1 og 3. Del 2 minder meget om de guidninger, jeg selv bruger i min undervisning, så måske er det derfor jeg foretrækker de andre. Musikken og Heidis stemme kan anbefales - uden en facit på hvordan, hvor og hvornår den kan bruges. Den inviterer til, at man som lytter selv finder de øjeblikke og steder, hvor man ønsker et øjebliks ro (Vol 1.).

Jeg håber, at der kommer en Vol. 2. for jeg er spændt på, hvad de to kvinder videre ville kunne skabe sammen.

For at deltage i lodtrækningen af cd’en, så læg en kommentar der beskriver, hvor du kunne bruge et øjebliks ro og hvorfor? Jeg trækker lod onsdag, og husk at skrive dit navn. 

"Hey fede, sød hund du har..." (Copy)

Noget jeg har undret mig over længe, er vores måde at hilse på hinanden... eller mangel på samme. Jeg har boet i denne lejlighed, i denne gård, med nogenlunde de samme naboer i 5 år. Alligevel kan jeg støde ind i de samme mennesker på 610. morgen, og ikke få så meget som et nervøst trækken på smilebåndet. Vi går rundt mellem hinanden, som totalt fremmede (også selvom vi har talt sammen ved et uheld i ny og næ). Nogle gange er der dog øjenkontakt. Forældre i institutionen kan kigge på en lige udenfor døren til Børnehaven, uden at sige hej eller bare nikke. Selvom barnet står, og skriger HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEj.

Er jeg bare bondsk, og skal se at blive som de andre Københavner-jyder? Hvad er det ved en storby, hvor man bor tættere end på landet, der gør at vi pludselig ikke ser mennesker omkring os?

Jeg bliver så glad for at få et smil om morgen eller af at give en "godmorgen" til skraldemanden. Jeg har altid været vant til, at man anerkender andres tilstedeværelse. Det bliver så køligt med al den ignoreren. Ikke smalltalk, bare et smil - det forandrer altid min dag når andre smiler.

På det sidste internationle MBSR kursus jeg holdte, var det noget af det der rørte dem allermest. At de i Danmark ikke følte sig særlig set. De fleste kom fra lande hvor man gør noget ud af at "komme hinanden ved". Bare et forsigtigt "mojn". Det er lidt trist, at andre føler, at vi er lidt ligeglade i det.

TILGENGÆLD er der 3 ting der får flere til at smile, sige noget, stoppe op og komme hinanden lidt ved.

1. At være så gravid, at det ikke længere bare ligner en delle. Jeg får trætte smil fra kvinder med barnevogne. Smil og kommentar fra ældre mennekser. Og en masse spørgsmål fra flere udviklingshæmmede på Istedgade. Det inviterer bare til en eller anden form for kontakt.

2. Folk med hundehvalpe. Nårrrh hvor er den sød. Hvor gammel er den? Hvad hedder den? Eller bare masser af smil og klap (hunden, ikke ejeren). Det er svært ikke at synes de er nuttet og værd at smile af.

3. Når man får grineflip på gaden eller i bussen. Som regel smitter det. Når nogen andre griner helt nede fra maven, kan man næsten ikke undgå det selv. Medmindre mand har gode folk omkring sig der kommer med den typiske "ejjj helt ærligt, så sjovt var det heller ikke...".

Hvad er det ved de særtilfælde, der får vores opmærksomhed, på for det meste den gode måde?

Børn kan det næsten ligemeget hvad... Så godmorgen til jer alle, med ønsket om en god dag. :)

Amme, Amme, Slynge... ØL. (Copy)

Over hele facebook for tiden er diskussionerne i gang. Hvad er mors behov og hvad gør vi som forældre for vores børns skyld. Hvad "skal" man gøre for at give sine børn den bedste start på livet. Videnskab schmidenskab bliver slynget rundt i forsvar for de forskellige valg. Fanen er hævet højt for, at det er for børnenes skyld det hele. Det er ihvertfald ikke mutti's behov. Der bliver skreget ego mor mig her og der og alle vegne.

Hvorfor har vi så travlt med at skrige op om de RIGTIGE valg? Er der en "rigtig" to rule them all?

Jeg sad og tænkte tilbage på hvordan, jeg havde det da min datter blev født. Der var mange ting, der ikke gik, som jeg havde håbet på, og jeg kunne ikke amme - sådan troede jeg aldrig jeg ville få det.

Det berørte mig på et dybt plan, at jeg ikke fik den nærhed med den lille, at jeg ikke kunne udfylde rollen, som den der skulle give hende mad - jeg troede det var det jeg havde fået bryster til. Men nej.

Det var aldrig et ønske, at blive langtids ammer, og jeg glædede mig til igen at drikke en stor fad i solen på Vesterbro. Fordi det er dejligt, fordi jeg stadig er et individ, nu med afkom. Jeg ville også bare så gerne være en god mor, som jeg nu evner.

Nu er hun lidt større og fræk, og jeg har behov for at være, så god en mor som muligt. Jeg har behov for, at hun bliver set og hørt, så godt jeg nu kan. Jeg har behov for at hun får krammere og kysser, så jeg ved at hun har en chance for at vide, at jeg elsker hende mere end noget andet. Jeg går udfra, at det også er hendes behov. Det har jeg da vidst læst et sted...

Hvor "JEG*ER" er jeg nu oppe på?

Som tillæg til alt det, er der behov som hun også har. Det tager tid at læse dem, at lære hende at kende. Man fejlbedømmer, er træt og overser, man gør lidt, og så gør man det om.

Jeg er dog helt overbevist om, at man ikke kan fjerne MOARS behov, fra det at være forældre. Om man ammer til de er 8 eller ej! Så kan man skrive videnskab ind i det så meget man vil, hvis det ikke stemte overens med noget, vi følte inde i os, ville vi så overhovedet høre det?

Vi som forældre, har ting vi gerne vil gøre anderledes end vores egne forældre. Vi har værdier, vi har livssyn og erfaringer, vi har ting, vi mangler og gerne vil fylde i vores eget system.

Er vi bedre forældre ved at tilsidesætte alle vores egne behov? Eller skal vi se dem i øjenene, og flette dem ind, mærke dem, og acceptere det som en del af det at være mor til et lille menneske MED HELT SINE EGNE BEHOV?

Klima, klima, klima, lkmia, lmiak... (Copy)

Mens jeg sidder her med hovedet ud af vinduet med varmen på for fuld udblæsning, med min 17. latte to go i papkrus, computer, TV, og radio kørende og har glemt at slukke lyset i flere rum, undrer det mig, at de der store virksomheder ikke kan finde ud af at skære ned for det dersens CO2... NEJ... Nu går snakken igen omkring vores klima. Jeg ved ikke, om jeg skal frygte dommedag lige om hjørnet, men én ting jeg kan sige er, at det ikke kun er industrien, der er er nogle miljøsvin. Hvordan skal man danne sig et billede af hvilken situation vi virkelig står i?

Jamen hvad nytter det, kan man spørge sig selv om. Tja, jeg synes da i det mindste man skulle prøve. Jeg kunne godt tænke mig, at opdrage min datter til et liv, med et sundere miljø omkring hende og en følelse af ansvar for den verden hun lever i.

Jeg har min gang inde hos Danmarks kommende elite på KU et par dage om ugen... Her kan man både få varmen og en masse frisk luft samtidig på toilettet... Hvad er meningen med at skrue op på 5 i stedet for at lukke vinduet? Kaffen bliver nydt i gode engangs flamingokrus, som heldigvis ikke kan genbruges - og man MÅ IKKE bruge sit eget krus er der et fint lille skilt der reklarmerer med. Papir flyder alle vegne, og toiletpapir bliver brugt til at markere vejen til toilettet...

Hvorfor har vi så svært ved, at se os selv som en del af en et større billede? Hvis man ikke selv har et ansvar, hvis er det så? Det er vel i sidste ende os som forbruger, al den industri arbejder for? Jeg arbejder i hvertfald på at stramme op i mit eget liv, der helt klart også kunne bruge lidt forbedring på det område.

Hvad gør du for at skåne miljøet? Og tror du at der er stort problem?

Her er nogle tiltag jeg godt kan lide:

Fødevarefællesskabet - for dig der bor i KBH. Så kan man få lokalt grønt.

No impact man - måske lidt ekstremovich men han har gode pointer!

Stop spild af mad - Om hvad vores madvaner har af effekt på miljøet

Og drikkedunke frem for kildevand, termokrus til kaffen osv.

Find ro og stress af gennem motion. (Copy)

  Det er ved at være alt for længe siden, at jeg har blogget. Den gode intention er der dog... :) Derfor lægger jeg ud med en post, som er skrevet af en anden... det bliver kickstarten tænker jeg.

Da jeg var på messe sidst i september, slog det mig, at jeg stod en hal med 180 "rigtige" måder, at leve sit sunde liv på. Blev næsten helt overvældet. Jeg var der med min stand, med brochure (der iøvrigt var trykt i mini skrift... grrr), men jeg mener bestemt ikke at mindfulness er én sandhed. Er det en praksis for alle? Sikkert ikke. Derfor har jeg inviteret nogle kvinder til, at skrive om hvad der giver dem ro, klarhed og frihed i deres liv.

Her er Lise Brøndum Andersens post. Hun er indehaver samt instruktør hos PushyMums.DK og jeg utrolig taknemmelig for, at hun havde lyst til at dele med mig/os.

-------------

I kender det garanteret alle sammen – en travl hverdag med job, familieliv – evt. med små børn, en venskabskreds, skønne forpligtelser i alle afskygninger. Det hele er med til at gøre dig lykkelig og komplet, men til tider også småstresset.

Det handler om at finde en balance igennem det hele!  Og det har jeg fundet gennem motion samt en sund levevej.

Jeg er på ingen måde hellig omkring det. Men jeg har også fundet ud af, at jeg bliver et gladere menneske, en mere rummende kone – og en meget mere givende mor. Det hele kommer sig af, at jeg laver tid til motion i det relativt stramme program enhver børnefamilie har.

(Nu er jeg jo også så heldig, at motionen er gået hen og blevet mit job). Men jeg prioriterer højt at få kroppen i gang, så den er klar til at yde. Sådan har det ikke altid været. Langt fra…

Jeg har haft masser af perioder, hvor jeg har været udkørt og ikke sat tid af til at stresse af og koble fra via motionen.

F.eks. da jeg blev mor første gang. Jeg var så ekstremt tæt på at få en efterfødselsdepression. Eller jeg havde det måske uden rigtig at få en diagnose. Emma blev født for tidligt i London, hvor vi kun havde opholdt os et par måneder, før hun besluttede at verden skulle opleves NU. Emma fik kolik, og var rigtig ked af det de første mange måneder. Vi kendte ingen derover, familien var langt væk, og min mand var startet i nyt job, som krævede mange af hans vågne timer.

Jeg anede ikke, hvad jeg skulle gøre – var ked af det stort set lige så meget som Emma-trunten. Så begyndte jeg at vandre og løbe parkerne tynde, for så hørte man ikke hendes hjerteskærende gråd så meget (især ikke med en Ipod i ørerne), og hvis det så bare regnede (hvilket det jo gør en del i UK), så kunne man heller ikke se, at jeg også små-græd…

Midt i det hele blev min form – både fysisk og psykisk - bedre og bedre, og jeg magtede på én eller anden måde hendes smerte og gråd mere. Og jeg blev bedre i stand til at trøste hende. En dag mødte jeg en gruppe mødre, som også løb rundt i parken. Det var en officiel genoptræningsgruppe for mødre på barsel.

Og det blev starten på mit eget koncept www.pushymums.dk, and the rest is history!

Man magter SÅ meget mere, når kroppen bliver rørt. Selv efter en nat uden meget søvn, så får man ny energi ved en god tur i naturen. Det samme gør sig gældende, hvis man i en jobsituation føler sig presset eller decideret stresset. Man kobler fra – indånder ny kraft – og slipper dagens opgaver.

Tips til at få motion ind i en travl hverdag:

• Koordiner med din partner – planlæg hvornår du skal have tid til at få motion
• Løb eller cykel på arbejde
• Løb en tur med barnevognen, hvis du skal have junior til at sove
• Smid dig på gulvet derhjemme – og lav lidt stille og rolige balanceøvelser med en god vejrtrækning– og mærk, hvordan du hver gang trækker nye kræfter ind.

Resultatet af en hverdag med motion:

• En sundere krop, som kan klare mere
• Man får tømt hovedet – vasket tavlen ren ☺
• Overskud til at være mere for andre
• Bedre søvn samt bedre koncentrationsevne

Pas på dig selv!

De bedste hilsner fra Lise.

Mail: info@pushymums.dk

Web: www.pushymums.dk

Oplever du forbundenhed i dit parforhold? (Copy)

Vores forhold og relationer til andre, kan ofte påvirke vores hverdag. Det kan være genstand for meget stress og press, men også glæde og nærvær i vores liv. Kickan Andersen er en helt fantastisk kvinde, som arbejder med familier og parforhold og hun er i dag gæste blogger her. God læsning

Oplever du forbundenhed i dit parforhold?

I en tid hvor meget optagenhed går på selvrealisering, sund kost, motion og karriere er der noget der undre mig. Samlivsbrud overstiger uden sammenligning al statestik inde for udfordringer som stress, overvægt, motion og dårlig ernæringsviden. Min erfaring er at alle mennesker søger en oplevelse af accept og anerkendelse. Det kan ske gennem mange ydre omstændigheder, så som netop "at have styr på tingene", leve rigtigt, karriere og afspejling af fysisk sundhed og overskud. Andre giver bare op. Min forundring går på valg af fokus.

Min erfaring er nemlig, at de fleste, når man går tæt på, i højere grad end noget andet, længes efter en oplevelse af forbundenhed til et andet menneske, ofte i relation til ens partner. En forbundehed udtrykt i kontaktfuldt samspil, trods forskelligheder, uenigheder, fejl og mangler. Mange lever den usynlige skilsmisse, fordi kontakten ikke er der, og fordi man måske ikke er klar over at netop dét, er et signal om at det er nu man skal tage sin relation alvorligt hvis den skal vare ved.

I det offentlige rum er der meget fokus på stress, arbejdsglæde, motion mv. Og desværre ikke særlig meget på samspil i relationer. Og er det ikke i relationer at oplevelsen af sig selv som værende ok, får fornyet krafter og energi? Så netop derfor er det vigtigt at vores primære relationer fungere, og at de fungere godt. At vi har et billede af, hvad vi kan ændre og hvad vi ikke kan ændre. Hos os selv, og hos vores partner.

Derfor er parterapi godt. Derfor er PREP-kurser værdifulde. For når vi kommer til oplevelsen af forbundenhed i en relation på godt og ondt, kan vi udvikle os ud over vores egne grænser. Energi, kreativitet og glæde bliver en naturlig udløber af denne oplevelse.

Bonusen er naturligvis tryghed i parforholdet og familien. En god gave at give videre til næste generation.

Lidt om Kickan...

Kickan har terapeutiske og rådgivende konsultationer for par, individer, forældre og familier.

Mine erfaringer er, at det kan hjælpe.

Hun afholder kurser for par, foredrag og peptalks om børn, parforhold, forældreskab, familieliv og livsglæde for institutioner, skoler, barselscaféer, biblioteker m.m. Læs mere her... www.kickanandersen.dk

Derudover svarer hun på spørgsmål om parliv i Magasinet MOR under ekspertpanelet og i brevkassen på mama.dk, under Shop,"Spørg eksperten".

Hendes seneste tiltag er barselscaféen Lille Du. Læs omtale her:

http://bornibyen.dk/koebenhavn/places/1790-lille-du-barselscaf

Zen for mødre (Copy)

  Jeg har spurgt nogle kvinder, som jeg finder enormt inspirerende, om at skrive et indlæg til bloggen. De kommende måneder kommer deres bud på hvordan man kan få mere ro i hverdagen her. Jeg er enormt glad for at de har valgt at bruge tid på det. :) Her kommer Anna Skyggebjergs (forfatter til Zen mødre og Super mor) indlæg. Kh Carina

Zen for mødre

Er hverdagen hektisk? Glemmer du at trække vejret i bund? Glemmer du at gøre plads i din hverdag til ro, nærvær og fordybelse?

Den dårlige nyhed er, at sådan er det for de fleste mødre med små børn.

Den gode nyhed er, at det ikke behøver at være sådan. En hverdag med Zen-fyldte åndehuller er lige om hjørnet. Du behøver hverken at købe et ”starter kit”, at blive buddhist eller at melde dig til et 12-punkts program. Alt, hvad der skal til for at opleve Zen i hverdagen, er, at du finder nogle ritualer, som giver dig en følelse af, at du har ”a room of your own”, hvor du kan trække vejret i bund.

Her er mine tre helt enkle ritualer, der giver mig et Zen-fyldt åndehul om aftenen, når børnene er puttet.

1: Jeg trækker mig tilbage til soveværelset, slukker lyset, tænder stearinlys og tager 15 minutter i meditativ ro.

2: Jeg synker ned i min Nødhjælpskasse, som er en kasse, jeg har fyldt op med ting, der gør mig godt på hårde dage.

3: Jeg skriver taknemmelighedsdagbog, altså ”fem ting, jeg er taknemmelig for i dag”.

Selv på de travleste dage er Zen muligt! Og på de dage, hvor det alligevel ikke er, ja, der tilgiver man sig selv. For Zen handler nemlig også om at acceptere, at man ikke altid kan gøre det så godt, som man gerne vil. Og faktisk: Det er en stor lettelse og kilde til Zen at give slip på alle de store forventninger og acceptere livet, som det er lige nu. Og så have tillid til, at det ændrer sig efterhånden og kommer til at gå alt sammen.

Anna Skyggebjerg er mor til Jacob og Elise på 10 og 15 år. Hun har skrevet bøgerne ”Super Mor. Smutveje for enlige mødre – og andre seje kvinder, der vil have en nemmere hverdag” og ”Zen for mødre. Åndehuller du vil nyde, i en hverdag du vil elske!”

Følg Anna på hendes blog, ”Hele 3 ting”, hvor hun hver dag skriver om Zen i hverdagen: blog.annaskyggebjerg.dk

Hurra det er (snart) efterår... (Copy)

"I love the fall.  I love it because of the smells that you speak of; and also because things are dying,things that you don't have to take care of anymore, and the grass stops growing." -  Mark Van Doren

Her til morgen havde jeg alle vinduer åbne. Det var piv koldt, men på denne årstid er der en helt særlig lidt bidende luft. (Jeg tror måske at den kommer lidt tidligt i år.) I hvertfald elsker jeg denne årstid.

For mig er det en årstid byder på:

• helt fantastiske farver udenfor
• man skal putte sig under dynen eller ind til kæresten
• sterinlys i vinduerne
• suppe
• varme i stuen
• Fordybelse og ro

Jeg synes det er så hyggeligt. Folk kigger på mig som om jeg er skør, men jeg bliver virkelig glad, når det er efterår. Tilgengæld kan jeg godt have the sommerblues...

MEN jeg er også nærmest født i snedrive i Nord Canada og kan blive lykkelig når jeg kigger ud af vinduet og ser at det har sneet. Så det er med et stort smil, varmt hjerte og kolde tæer, at jeg byder efteråret velkommen med åbne arme. : )

Hvordan har du det med årets kommende skift?

RIP iPhone... (Copy)

Jeg har taget en drastisk beslutning og har fået aflivet min iPhone. Inden jeg bliver anklaget for blasfemi eller ligende, så hjalp Lilli processen godt på vej, ved at døbe den kære iPhone i et glas koldt vand sidste år... Den har ikke virket helt optimalt siden.

Nå, men jeg har følt, at det at være online 24/7, var med til at gøre mig en anelse fraværende herhjemme og i andre sociale sammenhænge. Den blev en forstyrrende faktor og jeg var konstant på arbejde, på facebook, på hotmailen, bare PÅ.

Og hvad gav det mig egentlig? Som min kæreste spurgte, er det virkelig nødvendigt at tjekke mail kl. 2 om natten, du har jo alligevel ikke tænkt dig at svare... næ han har jo ret.

Jeg skulle tage et ansvar og da jeg ved at jeg ikke ville kunne styre det ved skemaer og forbud osv. Så, er den nu skiftet ud med en Nokia (dog ny), der ikke kan en fis, og jeg har så meget mere tid lige pludselig. Har en smule abstinenser og synes jeg er udenfor klubben af smarte iPhone folk... Men jeg har stadig min Mac! :)

Det er så skønt at være offline og ikke slave af den lille djævel. Jeg går ikke helt amish, men jeg tror på at jeg kan leve uden. Og der er flere tiltag på vej...

Jeg kunne tænke mig at høre om jeres tanker om generation smart phone!?

FUZZY (Copy)

This week I went to an amazing concert with Grant Lee Buffalo. It has been ages since my partner and I have been to a gig. Music has always been a really big part of my life and our relationship. Becoming a mom of course slowed things down a bit, very naturally - anything going on after 9pm has been pretty non-existing... But even before my daughter was born, I started to stay in more, didn't really enjoy being social, couldn't stand noise, crowds etc. As the stress level in my life rose, and anxiety attacks joined the game - I closed me up. I have been so scared of dying, that I stopped living freely.

My meditation practice has been a great part of me opening myself up to life again. And it feels amazing. Standing there listening to amazing music, having a beer, standing close to the man I love, Grant Lee Phillips all of the sudden asked the crowd "Are you affraid of life". I could honestly say that at that moment in time I was truely not. And for the first time in ages I truely mean it.

Enjoy a little "FUZZY".

Review: Mommy meditations (Copy)

  I was very thrilled when I was contacted, and asked to review this cd. Providing a cd that for new mothers is something that I would like to do at some point. I am glad that there is an offer for women with smallchildren. I know it is needed, and our children benefit so much from a happy mother.

It took a while for it to get to me, not on the mommy meditation’s fault though. We live in a world where anything is possible - apart from downloading a mp3 from amazon and itunes because I am based in Denmark - amazing... But it made its way. : )

The 15 min. meditation is great for finding a sense of calm in a time with a lot of change and no sleep.  The cd is short and has the essentials. I know from my own experience that short is good when time is the same.

There is a guided meditation, a track with music, and also a good introduction to the hows and whys. You aren’t left to guess or spend time wondering if you are doing it right. I think that was very smart and you can relax into the meditation. They cleverly put the introduction on a seperate track, so you don’t have to listen to it everytime, and as you get more experienced.

If I am to critique anything it would be the use of the word mommy between adults. I am not a big fan, and would prefer mom or mother instead. But that is not important during the meditations.

I would recommend the Mommy meditation cd for new moms. And I am grateful for the chance to enjoy the meditations myself.

Aware Parenting and Living a Conscious Life By Hannah Andrews (Copy)

Aware Parenting is a term coined by Aletha Solter. It is a parenting paradigm that has transformed families and their children around the world. Families practicing Aware Parenting raise healthy (both physically and emotionally) children that are willing to co-operate, have respect for other people and are willing and able to learn. Aletha has written 4 books; The Aware Baby, Raising Drug-Free Kids, Tears & Tantrums and Helping Young Children Flourish. Aware Parenting supports children’s full scale of emotions. It seems in today’s society that whenever a child cries, we immediately do all we can to stop it. Crying is a normal human emotion, just like anger, sadness, frustration and is just like happiness, joy and bliss, except on the other end of the scale. As we move into a new era of change through breaking down of old systems and Mother Earth showing us that the way the world is living is not 100% working. We need change, and starting with our children is where it is at.

Aletha’s books are full of research confirming that tears contain certain hormones that are released from the body, through tears when crying. As with all other means of elimination through the body ie toilet, sweat, nose and mouth, these functions of the physical body all have a very definite purpose. When all your child’s physical needs have been met, and they are still crying – what do you do? All you need to do is move in close, let them know you are here for them, it is ok to cry and be present with them. Let them know you love them and that you are not leaving them when they are upset. Let them get it all out with your loving presence.

Crying is a feeling. Some people say, well children don’t have stress, babies don’t have stress they ‘should’ be happy all the time. The truth is that babies do get stressed, children do get stressed. Going to the shopping centre is overwhelming as is a day at childcare. What we consider not stressful, for a child still learning about the world is very stressful. A baby coming out of a womb into cold air, smells, sounds and even the experience of learning how to use their physical body – is very stressful. What we take for granted, they are still learning. Ever been to a new place and get lost because you don’t know where you are or how to get where you need to go? Is that stressful? Can that be frightening if you are in a country you don’t speak their language? This is how it is for children all the time. The only way they can release and heal – is through crying. Supported crying with an empathetic listener.

Embracing children for all that they are is accepting all parts of them. The happiness as well as the sadness. If crying is a normal human emotion and it is scientifically proven the benefits and stress release through crying and we are not listening to our children’s crying when they are young, what message does that tell them? What do you do when your child cries? If all their physical needs are met, what do you do if they are still crying? How do you feel when they are crying? If you are uncomfortable with crying there is a way for change. Most of society is uncomfortable with crying due to the way they were treated when they were a child crying. When your child cries are you doing the same thing that was done to you? By living a conscious life and being aware of your own feelings, you have the power to change the way you respond to your child’s behavior - whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What do you do when you are upset? How do you feel when you have finished a big cry?

If your goal is to raise healthy children who are connected to their true self, then I highly recommend learning more about Aware Parenting and looking to your own past to heal the hurts that are preventing you from being truly connected to your children and family in healthy intimate ways.

To learn more visit

www.awareparenting.com

www.parentingwithpresence.net

www.realityawareness.com

About Hannah:

Yoga teacher, Spiritual teacher and Mother, Hannah completed her Yoga Teacher Training in 2008 after 3 years of intense personal practise. Increased physical energy, mental clarity, alertness and increasing conscious awareness is fueling her passion to pass this valuable and life giving gift onto others.

Growing up through a dysfunctional family system, peers led her into a dark period of high risk drug taking as a teenager. Through a journey of intense personal transformation after hitting rock bottom in 2004, Yoga became the new high. With committed practise, the drugs naturally fell away. Inner transformation occurred as the body and mind were stretched to new limits. Whilst completing her training as a Yoga Teacher, she experienced a pregnancy coupled with Domestic Violence. Throughout all this, Yoga has been the lifesaver - with it's natural anti-depressant remedies, the physical strength building the emotional strength, and the peace that she feels when moving through the Asanas, she has found her heart in something she loves and is passionate about sharing this experience with others.

Training as a Lightworker Practitioner in 2005 allowed her to become aware of how the Spiritual affects the Physical. This has lead to a new way of Being, one which is positively transformational. Hannah loves sharing 'what works' and strongly agrees with empowering clients with tools and knowledge. This enables the client to have resources available and the capability to take responsibility to shift their life from negative to positive.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting has allowed her to expand her awareness to new heights. Practicing Aware Parenting with her daughter, her journey has increased to a new heightened awareness which she brings into her Yoga classes through feeling and breath. To experience, accept and claim all parts of ourselves, can see us returning to the wholeness for which we are in Truth.

Hannah teaches with authenticity, awareness and breath and trusts that the experience you have from being in her presence, will give you a new lease on life, even if only for a moment. Let the transformation begin.

Judgement day (Copy)

I used to work in customerservice, and I would daily be called “a bitch, f... off, your are no good” and so on. People felt a need to vent and I was on the phone, so I wasn’t a person. Those were the terms, and days could be verrrrryyy long. More and more over the years, we don’t deal with people, we deal with screens, phones, emails, machines. We don’t have to think of the minds, hearts, lives of the online folks, as we are not faced with their eyes, vibrations, face to face talks.

It is so easy to let out and let loose, and never ever have to face the hurt feelings on the other end. The work, and ruined days of other human beings. Are we becoming a society that doesn’t have to care about other peoples feelings, and therefore we don’t? Have we in our ability to hide in cyber space, taken the right to lash out everytime we feel slightly annoyed?

I was given a little gift yesterday. It was a man who wrote me comment about my ebook saying “this was marketing elephant shit”. - and I am sure it was to him.

After reading it, I started to shake a little, butterflies in my stomach, stress levels rising, a feeling of not being good enough, felt nervous, sad, angry. Thoughts arised such as, “does everyone think that?, am I no good?, do people feel like I am full of it?, should I take it off?, remove all of the links to the book?, I put so much work into it, how dare he, I thought it was good, oh no!” etc. I wanted to defend myself, convince him that I am a good person, who truely wants to do good and bla bla bla.

I try my best not to be rude, and never give my, over the phone or online meetings, an online roar. Even if I know the feeling of reading something someone else put out there, thinking “this is not very valuble”, or feeling like letting the phone lady have it, feeling like writing an email in rage, because it is instant and easy relief.

The judging side of my being. Being very hard on others, at times where I feel that something wasn’t authentic. Thinking I know exactly what authentic is. I know better, and having no problem with letting others know how I feel - I have the right.

I sometimes forget that it is a person I am dealing with, that we are connected as human beings, and that I am not just bouncing around in the world on my own. What I do, say and vibrate matters.

Today was a reminder for me, to touch base with those feelings. To take a look at, the times where I let my autopilot take over, and the “I know better” mentality kicks in. And instead touch kindness, and awknowledge the time and heart they put into something. That I don’t know their intentions, backgrounds, hearts, minds. It was a reminder for me to stay open, and have a look inside, when the urge to judge arises. That I don’t have to like everything, and let it be.

I am grateful for the oppurtunity today, to let my inner judge Judy take the day off.

Create Mindful Moments Everyday. By Raelynn Maloney, Ph.D (Copy)

I recently published a book designed to help parents integrate mindful presence into their everyday parenting. Waking Up: A Parent’s Guide to Mindful Awareness and Connection introduces parents to the practice of mindful presence. Mindful presence grounds you in the moment with your child. It anchors you in the here-and-now and allows you to truly experience what is real and alive in your parent-child relationship.

Consciously creating mindful moments in your daily life is easier than you think, especially when, as a parent, you realize that your child has been waiting for you in the present moment all along.

Creating mindful moments is about using what is right in front of you, right now, to connect with and tune into your child. It is about consciously bringing purpose to any interaction through a laugh, a look, a book, a smile. A “moment of presence” is about using your full awareness to make a connection. It is a moment when you are fully paying attention to what is happening internally for you and externally around you. It’s as if you let everything fade into the background except what is in front of you and available to you here and now (the laugh, the look, the book, anything).

You can experience a whole new way to connect with your child. Start today by taking this moment to stop and treat yourself to a full, deep breath. Drop into yourself and feel your center. Look over the three moments described below, apply them to your own parent-child interaction, and transform your every day into mindful moments.

Everyday Mindful Moments

Morning

• How can I mindfully wake my child for the day?

“As I wake my child for the day, I am conscious of wanting her to enter the day positively and peacefully, therefore, I bring positive and peaceful energy with me into the interaction.”

Afternoon

• How can I mindfully greet my child after school?

“I put my phone in the console and watch my son approach. I smile when I see him. I give him a high-five or a fist-bump when he jumps into the car.”

Evening

• How can I be mindfully present at bedtime?

“Instead of yelling up the stairs to ask my daughter to start getting ready for bed, I climb the steps. When I am closer to her, I speak directly and in a normal tone, bringing a positive, healthy energy into our night.”

Find out more about Raelynn Maloney here:

Counseling Practice- http://www.amindfulplace.com

Book:Waking Up: A Parent's Guide - http://www.wakingupwithawareness.com

Book: Caring for Donor Families- http://www.caringfordonorfamilies.com

Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/raelynnmaloney

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/raelynnmaloneyphd

Twitter - http://twitter.com/raelynnmaloney

The time I feel most present... By Zach Rosen (Copy)

I would like to thank Carina, from way across the ocean, to ask me to

contribute to this 'being mindful with your child' blog, as a dad. I
have followed and learned from Carina's postings (and circulated them in
our neighborhood through parent email groups!) and it felt great to be
asked to contribut. So here goes:

The time I feel most present with B, our nine-about-to-be-ten year old
is, maybe strangely enough, when she is about to go to sleep and, maybe
even more strangely enough, when we watch television together. When B is
about to go to sleep, we both go through the ritual of her brushing her
teeth, or us brushing her teeth together. I love the smell of the
toothpaste, and the way she looks at herself in the mirror when she is
brushing her teeth.Loving brushing teeth a bit strange I suppose, but I
find it fun anyway.

Also, when B is furiously tearing through her night clothing, trying to
figure out what is the best night outfit to put on (the pajamas are too
hot or the bottoms are too tight or the colors don't match, or
whatever), given I have no attachment whatsoever to style or clothing
preference, it's easy to sit back and watch her in all her furious glory
and to provide whatever emotional and/or other support she needs.

I love putting on the blanket and sheet 'the right way' (as my mom did
to me when I was a child, first throwing the blanket in the air and then
as it descends, a cool breeze comes down first and then the sheet or
blanket). I love picking out which stuffed animal she wants to go to
sleep with, over the ten million (exaggeration, clearly) animals there
are to choose from.

My favorite way of 'being there' is when B, a procrastinator of sleep,
will talk about any and all things that are bothering her (mainly
bothering her) as she falls asleep. We've developed a ritual where I
sing her "The Sh'ma" a several verse Jewish prayer that by now, brings
her to yawning and falling asleep. Then my more favorite thing is after
B is asleep, I listen to her breathing, the sounds of the cars going by
and the wind on the windows.

This is the easier stuff. The harder stuff for me in being mindful with
B is just plain old playing around. My dad never played with me like
other dads did. He did, however, take the time from his obsessive
preoccupation with his business and his worsening depression, to draw
with me and to talk science stuff. Didn't happen much, but did happen
from time to time and these moments are fond moments to me.

So with B and me, working on an art or science project together (of
late, Daddy I'm sick of drawing all I do is drawing there is nothing
else to do in the house) comes naturally to be present with her -
however, I feel completely bereft at playing any kind of games were her,
and because of physical bad back type limitations, have a great deal of
trouble even throwing a ball around with her. The other doing-type-thing
that comes naturally is swimming and I feel great that I've taken her
swimming since she was a baby and today she loves to swim and is a great
swimmer too (non-competitive, just for fun).

The past year has been difficult for me professionally, very big time
transition from one job to another, very difficult and very draining of
my attention to the personal area of my life. The not so great thing is
that the worry and attention to that area, at first, drained my
attentional capacity at home. The VERY great thing, is that my new job
allows me more time at home, no late night, every night working and, in
general, less stress and therefore more ability to 'be' with B in the
many aspects of her life, from picking her up at the bus to being with
her at night

Oh yeah, I did say one of my favorite things to do with B where I feel
present is to watch television together (yeah, I know, not in the list
of mindful activities to do with kids, but c'est la vie) and so there is
also MOVIE NIGHT!

B and I both get to eat in the family room and watch movies together,
laughing at the same time, exchanging looks when someone in the movie
says something ridiculous or heartful and then rating the movie together
carefully at the end of each movie with a thumbs up, down or thumbs in
the middle and then saying why. Yeah, yeah, I know watching movies is
not your typical "being there with the kid" type image, but that's how
she and I enjoy ourselves in that way!

After meditating I am much more present with B and with everything for
that matter, but in the course of the day, the presence gained through
meditation, I find, fades quickly. So my energy goes to meditating in
life, bringing my attention to the present, taking in each morsel that
life has to offer.

I am getting better at being mindful, but still am an ADHD mindless boob
at heart (no mistake there - NOT mindful, mindLESS) type wanderer - -
much more often than I would like. Compassion for myself in failing to
be present much more often that I would like - big time task (saying to
myself, DADDY BE THERE MORE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER - as B says to me the
same thing over and over as I am distracted - ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

So, all in all I'd give myself a thumbs up on some days for being
mindful and a thumbs down for my preoccupied days and a thumbs in the
middle for the half and half days. Like with a lot of things, I'm
betting on practice getting my mindful self more in tune and my mindless
self a bit less practice, and, hopefully be more present for B and
myself as well.

Zach

Find Zach and learn here:

www.twitter.com/buddahbear01

http://twitter.com/#!/buddahbear01><http://buddahbear01.wordpress.com/

The art of making magic moments. By Susana Hooper (Copy)

“Analiah is laughing at herself every time she snorts like a pig. Or maybe she's laughing at me laughing at her when she sorts like a pig.  Either way, we can’t stop laughing!” I live for moments like these.  Simple moments that warm my heart and make me feel so alive. These are my ‘magic moments’.

Moments when my to-do list escapes my mind. Moments when I'm not thinking about the past or planning about the future. Moments when I don't care what I look like or who’s watching. Moments when I'm oblivious to the chaos mess around me. Moments when I'm out of my head long enough to be completely present in the here and now.

For me, there is a subtle difference between being ‘present’ with my children and ‘playing’ with my children...and my kids feel the difference.

When I ‘play’ with my kids, my body is there but my mind is usually a million miles away, and I lack the enthusiasm required to totally accept and enjoy that precious moment of being with my children. I’m suddenly more interested in cleaning the house, checking my iphone for updates, or finishing that article; anything but playing handball or hairdresses or hide and seek.

But when I’m present with my kids, my mind is EXACTLY where my body is. There’s this whole new dimension that adds so much more meaning to the moment. There’s a greater awareness and a deeper connection.

So how exactly does one be present with their children? For me, it’s all in the little things.

It’s looking them in their eyes when they speak to us or when we speak to them. It's truly listening to what they have to say without cutting them off or finishing their sentences. It's joining in and getting involved, instead of just watching from the sideline. It’s seeing things from their eyes and being a child all over again. It's saying yes a whole lot more and saying no a whole lot less. It’s taking a moment to breathe when your patience is wearing thin. It’s observing your emotions before reacting to a situation. It’s letting them be who they are and letting go of who we think they should be.

It’s the very same little things that add more meaning and a deeper connection to any relationship, not just between parent and child. It’s no wonder then, that the more present I am with my kids the more calm and cooperative they are; they show more initiative and have more confidence; and on the whole, our home is filled with much more harmony + happiness.

So when ‘magic moments’ aren’t happening, I remind myself to come back to the present moment. And the fastest way to get there is to breathe.

Yep. Just breathe.

Because whenever you are conscious of your breath, you are absolutely present.

And when you are absolutely present, magic moments happen.

Susana Frioni is a yoga teacher + a lover of sacred commerce. She lives on the Sunshine Coast, Australia and share cares her 2 children with their father. She shares her insights + discoveries at www.ramblingepicure.blogspot.com

Mindfully not Present by Yael Brisker (Copy)

A friend's daughter died of cancer this morning. She was 14. Suddenly everything comes into perspective. Suddenly all our words evaporate into thin air, our loving, caring, educating, teaching, scolding, directing , organizing words just go poof! All those moments ...

And still... I have a post to write.

Since Carina asked me to write this post, I have been walking around with a flashlight even bigger than usual - looking at myself, my kids, the people around me, but mostly at myself, with a critical eye. How present am I? In all daily activities, eating, getting dressed, doing the dishes.

Presence.

It's such a powerful word for me.

I've been playing, thinking, meditating, guilt-ing, learning about it since my kids were young, and still now, when they are 11, wondering how to live with it in peace, and better still, how to do/be it. I have noticed that no matter what I'm doing, if I take a little moment and breath in and out mindfully, I can be present, right here right now. It’s that simple. So what keeps me from being in that state more often?

I have twins, a boy and a girl. From the start it was clear to me that I wanted to give them a different quality of parenting than I received. I put my artwork on hold, I breast-fed them until they were three, didn't send them to school or kindergarten till they were 6.5. I believed in child-led learning (still do). I joined attachment parenting groups on the net, learned Nonviolent Communication. To better understand their needs, I read books on child development, The Continuum Concept, homeschooling, you name it. I was convinced I knew the "right" way of bringing them up, and I was sure that since I gave them my physical presence, I was also there mentally, emotionally...

When they were younger, I remember reading that if you give your child 5-10 minutes focused attention ( I'm talking between 2-5 years old) their cup fills up and you "earn" yourself 20 minutes of time to yourself, chores etc. Sometimes, just the fact that they know you're there is enough for them to continue playing peacefully. When they say: "Look at me" -  it doesn't mean look at me now for the next hour - it's the energy...

So far, I've been talking about what or how I did my best to give to my kids. But what about me? How present could I really be when my own unmet needs were shouting out to be acknowledged, met, understood? Is this what keeps me from being here more?

When they were six, I seperated from their father and moved with them to another town. Now, my time with them is divided up. Now, when I'm with them, I'm more pre-occupied with everyday matters. And when they're not here, when they go to their father's, there's a void that's incomprehensible.

In Nonviolent Communication, the concept of Empathy is based  first and foremost on being present when listening. It's a certain quality of connection in which you are empty of your own agenda, and therefore able to BE completely with another in their situation.

My kids can't be fooled (and I bet your kids too). They know when I am with them completely, or not. Yasmin will say to me: Ema (Mom in Hebrew), when I talk to you and you say mm-hhhmmm to me, I know you're not there. I always acknowledge the fact, because hey, I can't deny it, can I? (-:

As I'm writing this, my daughter suddenly says: Ema, what are you doing? I'm writing a post. Maybe you can write something about life and death, I mean from your perspective? She's thinking about the child that died.

Here I get stuck. What's my message?

The other day, my brother came to see us. He lives in the States and is a CEO of a software company. Yuval is also a follower of Tich Naht Hanh. Normally, when he arrives, we go see him at my Mother's, and yet he's almost always busy. This time he came to us. He didn't bring his laptop, we don't have cable TV. There were no distractions...(well almost) we just sat around the living room, eating talking. Suddenly he saw our book on Origami and started folding papers with my son. The kids played piano for him. It was a sweet evening. We connected in a way we hadn't done for ages - what simple happiness!

What comes up for me as I write these words is that despite the world we live in, and our continuous self scrutiny, we haven't lost the capacity for being with each other. And when we do, however imperfect and not completely mindful we are, ultimately, nothing feels better.

What do you think?

Yael Brisker is a mother of twins, artist, metalsmith, Nonviolent Communication and Empathy skills teacher,  a student of Biosynthesis - a body oriented psycoptherapy. A big chunk of her childhood was spent in the States, during the 60’s which must have influenced her somewhat idealistic outlook on life! She currently lives with her kids in Israel. You can find her at www.yaelbrisker.com .She also has a page devoted to Empathic Connections on Facebook

http://tinyurl.com/5tv3zeu