Judgement day (Copy)

I used to work in customerservice, and I would daily be called “a bitch, f... off, your are no good” and so on. People felt a need to vent and I was on the phone, so I wasn’t a person. Those were the terms, and days could be verrrrryyy long. More and more over the years, we don’t deal with people, we deal with screens, phones, emails, machines. We don’t have to think of the minds, hearts, lives of the online folks, as we are not faced with their eyes, vibrations, face to face talks.

It is so easy to let out and let loose, and never ever have to face the hurt feelings on the other end. The work, and ruined days of other human beings. Are we becoming a society that doesn’t have to care about other peoples feelings, and therefore we don’t? Have we in our ability to hide in cyber space, taken the right to lash out everytime we feel slightly annoyed?

I was given a little gift yesterday. It was a man who wrote me comment about my ebook saying “this was marketing elephant shit”. - and I am sure it was to him.

After reading it, I started to shake a little, butterflies in my stomach, stress levels rising, a feeling of not being good enough, felt nervous, sad, angry. Thoughts arised such as, “does everyone think that?, am I no good?, do people feel like I am full of it?, should I take it off?, remove all of the links to the book?, I put so much work into it, how dare he, I thought it was good, oh no!” etc. I wanted to defend myself, convince him that I am a good person, who truely wants to do good and bla bla bla.

I try my best not to be rude, and never give my, over the phone or online meetings, an online roar. Even if I know the feeling of reading something someone else put out there, thinking “this is not very valuble”, or feeling like letting the phone lady have it, feeling like writing an email in rage, because it is instant and easy relief.

The judging side of my being. Being very hard on others, at times where I feel that something wasn’t authentic. Thinking I know exactly what authentic is. I know better, and having no problem with letting others know how I feel - I have the right.

I sometimes forget that it is a person I am dealing with, that we are connected as human beings, and that I am not just bouncing around in the world on my own. What I do, say and vibrate matters.

Today was a reminder for me, to touch base with those feelings. To take a look at, the times where I let my autopilot take over, and the “I know better” mentality kicks in. And instead touch kindness, and awknowledge the time and heart they put into something. That I don’t know their intentions, backgrounds, hearts, minds. It was a reminder for me to stay open, and have a look inside, when the urge to judge arises. That I don’t have to like everything, and let it be.

I am grateful for the oppurtunity today, to let my inner judge Judy take the day off.

Create Mindful Moments Everyday. By Raelynn Maloney, Ph.D (Copy)

I recently published a book designed to help parents integrate mindful presence into their everyday parenting. Waking Up: A Parent’s Guide to Mindful Awareness and Connection introduces parents to the practice of mindful presence. Mindful presence grounds you in the moment with your child. It anchors you in the here-and-now and allows you to truly experience what is real and alive in your parent-child relationship.

Consciously creating mindful moments in your daily life is easier than you think, especially when, as a parent, you realize that your child has been waiting for you in the present moment all along.

Creating mindful moments is about using what is right in front of you, right now, to connect with and tune into your child. It is about consciously bringing purpose to any interaction through a laugh, a look, a book, a smile. A “moment of presence” is about using your full awareness to make a connection. It is a moment when you are fully paying attention to what is happening internally for you and externally around you. It’s as if you let everything fade into the background except what is in front of you and available to you here and now (the laugh, the look, the book, anything).

You can experience a whole new way to connect with your child. Start today by taking this moment to stop and treat yourself to a full, deep breath. Drop into yourself and feel your center. Look over the three moments described below, apply them to your own parent-child interaction, and transform your every day into mindful moments.

Everyday Mindful Moments

Morning

• How can I mindfully wake my child for the day?

“As I wake my child for the day, I am conscious of wanting her to enter the day positively and peacefully, therefore, I bring positive and peaceful energy with me into the interaction.”

Afternoon

• How can I mindfully greet my child after school?

“I put my phone in the console and watch my son approach. I smile when I see him. I give him a high-five or a fist-bump when he jumps into the car.”

Evening

• How can I be mindfully present at bedtime?

“Instead of yelling up the stairs to ask my daughter to start getting ready for bed, I climb the steps. When I am closer to her, I speak directly and in a normal tone, bringing a positive, healthy energy into our night.”

Find out more about Raelynn Maloney here:

Counseling Practice- http://www.amindfulplace.com

Book:Waking Up: A Parent's Guide - http://www.wakingupwithawareness.com

Book: Caring for Donor Families- http://www.caringfordonorfamilies.com

Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/raelynnmaloney

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/raelynnmaloneyphd

Twitter - http://twitter.com/raelynnmaloney

The time I feel most present... By Zach Rosen (Copy)

I would like to thank Carina, from way across the ocean, to ask me to

contribute to this 'being mindful with your child' blog, as a dad. I
have followed and learned from Carina's postings (and circulated them in
our neighborhood through parent email groups!) and it felt great to be
asked to contribut. So here goes:

The time I feel most present with B, our nine-about-to-be-ten year old
is, maybe strangely enough, when she is about to go to sleep and, maybe
even more strangely enough, when we watch television together. When B is
about to go to sleep, we both go through the ritual of her brushing her
teeth, or us brushing her teeth together. I love the smell of the
toothpaste, and the way she looks at herself in the mirror when she is
brushing her teeth.Loving brushing teeth a bit strange I suppose, but I
find it fun anyway.

Also, when B is furiously tearing through her night clothing, trying to
figure out what is the best night outfit to put on (the pajamas are too
hot or the bottoms are too tight or the colors don't match, or
whatever), given I have no attachment whatsoever to style or clothing
preference, it's easy to sit back and watch her in all her furious glory
and to provide whatever emotional and/or other support she needs.

I love putting on the blanket and sheet 'the right way' (as my mom did
to me when I was a child, first throwing the blanket in the air and then
as it descends, a cool breeze comes down first and then the sheet or
blanket). I love picking out which stuffed animal she wants to go to
sleep with, over the ten million (exaggeration, clearly) animals there
are to choose from.

My favorite way of 'being there' is when B, a procrastinator of sleep,
will talk about any and all things that are bothering her (mainly
bothering her) as she falls asleep. We've developed a ritual where I
sing her "The Sh'ma" a several verse Jewish prayer that by now, brings
her to yawning and falling asleep. Then my more favorite thing is after
B is asleep, I listen to her breathing, the sounds of the cars going by
and the wind on the windows.

This is the easier stuff. The harder stuff for me in being mindful with
B is just plain old playing around. My dad never played with me like
other dads did. He did, however, take the time from his obsessive
preoccupation with his business and his worsening depression, to draw
with me and to talk science stuff. Didn't happen much, but did happen
from time to time and these moments are fond moments to me.

So with B and me, working on an art or science project together (of
late, Daddy I'm sick of drawing all I do is drawing there is nothing
else to do in the house) comes naturally to be present with her -
however, I feel completely bereft at playing any kind of games were her,
and because of physical bad back type limitations, have a great deal of
trouble even throwing a ball around with her. The other doing-type-thing
that comes naturally is swimming and I feel great that I've taken her
swimming since she was a baby and today she loves to swim and is a great
swimmer too (non-competitive, just for fun).

The past year has been difficult for me professionally, very big time
transition from one job to another, very difficult and very draining of
my attention to the personal area of my life. The not so great thing is
that the worry and attention to that area, at first, drained my
attentional capacity at home. The VERY great thing, is that my new job
allows me more time at home, no late night, every night working and, in
general, less stress and therefore more ability to 'be' with B in the
many aspects of her life, from picking her up at the bus to being with
her at night

Oh yeah, I did say one of my favorite things to do with B where I feel
present is to watch television together (yeah, I know, not in the list
of mindful activities to do with kids, but c'est la vie) and so there is
also MOVIE NIGHT!

B and I both get to eat in the family room and watch movies together,
laughing at the same time, exchanging looks when someone in the movie
says something ridiculous or heartful and then rating the movie together
carefully at the end of each movie with a thumbs up, down or thumbs in
the middle and then saying why. Yeah, yeah, I know watching movies is
not your typical "being there with the kid" type image, but that's how
she and I enjoy ourselves in that way!

After meditating I am much more present with B and with everything for
that matter, but in the course of the day, the presence gained through
meditation, I find, fades quickly. So my energy goes to meditating in
life, bringing my attention to the present, taking in each morsel that
life has to offer.

I am getting better at being mindful, but still am an ADHD mindless boob
at heart (no mistake there - NOT mindful, mindLESS) type wanderer - -
much more often than I would like. Compassion for myself in failing to
be present much more often that I would like - big time task (saying to
myself, DADDY BE THERE MORE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER - as B says to me the
same thing over and over as I am distracted - ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

So, all in all I'd give myself a thumbs up on some days for being
mindful and a thumbs down for my preoccupied days and a thumbs in the
middle for the half and half days. Like with a lot of things, I'm
betting on practice getting my mindful self more in tune and my mindless
self a bit less practice, and, hopefully be more present for B and
myself as well.

Zach

Find Zach and learn here:

www.twitter.com/buddahbear01

http://twitter.com/#!/buddahbear01><http://buddahbear01.wordpress.com/

Mindful Parenting. By Michelle Sedas (Copy)

I’m delighted that Carina invited me to write a guest post for her Mindful Parenting series. I must admit that even though she reminded me that this post is, “not about being an expert, it is about being human,” I was still hesitant. In fact, I am a week late turning in this post, and for this deadline-driven writer, that is a rare occurrence, indeed. As may be the case with many of you, Mindfulness is not something that comes easily for me. I began studying it recently in order to alleviate anxiety. As a full-time mom and wife and a part-time writer, trying (with all my might) to juggle everything often leaves me feeling anxious. Yet what drives me to improve myself is my love for my family.

While being able to stay easily accessible to others with today’s technology can be good, staying in constant contact can become addictive. I must make a conscious effort to go off-line so that I can focus on what matters most. And with all of life’s demands bombarding us, it can become easy to get caught up in our jobs, hobbies, and volunteer work. I believe, though, that the quality of our relationships create the quality of our lives, and my most sacred relationships are those that I have with my family.

I remind myself on a daily, at times hourly, basis, to be present for my children. To look them in the eyes when they are speaking. To ask open-ended questions to encourage them to engage in conversation. To notice when they act with kindness or compassion and to praise them for it. As part of our routine, each afternoon, we play soothing music throughout the house and spend time together. We play puzzles or games or read. This is one of my favorite family rituals, allowing us an opportunity to enjoy one another’s company. It is also our family tradition to always eat dinner together at the table. For us, this time is priceless and we spend it talking about our days.

Being present with my children often requires that I turn off my phone and hide it in a drawer. Or that I completely shut down my computer so that I’m not temped to multi-task. There are times, however, when I do slip up. When I’m not fully present for my children. In those moments, I remind myself that I am a work in progress. I am making an effort to become a more relaxed and mindful parent. And, as Carina says, I am, after all, human.

~Michelle Sedas

Michelle Sedas is the author of Welcome The Rain, Live Inspired, and the coauthor ofThe Power of 10%. She is the cofounder of Running Moms Rock and the host of the Inspired Living Cafe. Her stories have appeared in five Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

Follow her on facebook www.Facebook.com/MichelleSedasAuthor

Visit Michelle on her site http://www.michellesedas.com,Twitter @MichelleSedas

The art of making magic moments. By Susana Hooper (Copy)

“Analiah is laughing at herself every time she snorts like a pig. Or maybe she's laughing at me laughing at her when she sorts like a pig.  Either way, we can’t stop laughing!” I live for moments like these.  Simple moments that warm my heart and make me feel so alive. These are my ‘magic moments’.

Moments when my to-do list escapes my mind. Moments when I'm not thinking about the past or planning about the future. Moments when I don't care what I look like or who’s watching. Moments when I'm oblivious to the chaos mess around me. Moments when I'm out of my head long enough to be completely present in the here and now.

For me, there is a subtle difference between being ‘present’ with my children and ‘playing’ with my children...and my kids feel the difference.

When I ‘play’ with my kids, my body is there but my mind is usually a million miles away, and I lack the enthusiasm required to totally accept and enjoy that precious moment of being with my children. I’m suddenly more interested in cleaning the house, checking my iphone for updates, or finishing that article; anything but playing handball or hairdresses or hide and seek.

But when I’m present with my kids, my mind is EXACTLY where my body is. There’s this whole new dimension that adds so much more meaning to the moment. There’s a greater awareness and a deeper connection.

So how exactly does one be present with their children? For me, it’s all in the little things.

It’s looking them in their eyes when they speak to us or when we speak to them. It's truly listening to what they have to say without cutting them off or finishing their sentences. It's joining in and getting involved, instead of just watching from the sideline. It’s seeing things from their eyes and being a child all over again. It's saying yes a whole lot more and saying no a whole lot less. It’s taking a moment to breathe when your patience is wearing thin. It’s observing your emotions before reacting to a situation. It’s letting them be who they are and letting go of who we think they should be.

It’s the very same little things that add more meaning and a deeper connection to any relationship, not just between parent and child. It’s no wonder then, that the more present I am with my kids the more calm and cooperative they are; they show more initiative and have more confidence; and on the whole, our home is filled with much more harmony + happiness.

So when ‘magic moments’ aren’t happening, I remind myself to come back to the present moment. And the fastest way to get there is to breathe.

Yep. Just breathe.

Because whenever you are conscious of your breath, you are absolutely present.

And when you are absolutely present, magic moments happen.

Susana Frioni is a yoga teacher + a lover of sacred commerce. She lives on the Sunshine Coast, Australia and share cares her 2 children with their father. She shares her insights + discoveries at www.ramblingepicure.blogspot.com

How does your child see you? By Jamie Stacks (Copy)

Mindfulness…as a mental health therapist I talk about mindfulness all the time.  I explain it to clients, encourage them to use it, plan programs around it and read books about it.  Since I started studying mindfulness in about 2008 the concept has fascinated me.  It makes so much sense and appears so simple.  Be here, be present, focus on what is.  Sounds simple yet is so very difficult to actually implement!!! As a mother I try to model what I want for my daughter.  This too is so much easier said than done.  Life is busy, we have work, school, family, friends, etc. and multi-tasking is easier to do now than ever before.  We can check email and other social media on the phone or computer, text etc.  This can be good or bad.  It “in theory” allows me to be with my daughter and work and talk to my friends all at the same time…huh?  Does it really let me do all that?

Maybe I am not really doing any of it when I try to do it all at the same time.  How many of us cook dinner ( I don’t really cook) and play with the kids and watch TV at the same time?  Do you remember what you watched?  Do you remember what your child said to you?  My guess is not really you just weren't really there!  We have to slow down, focus, do what we are doing to really get it and ‘be present”.

I search online for mindfulness info quite often and one tidbit really caught my eye a few months ago.  It impacted me so much that I think about it often and even share it with my families in therapy.  It is this or something close  “If you were your child right now, what would you think about yourself?”  How does your child see you?  Happy, unhappy, mad, calm, sad? How your child perceives you is his/her reality. It doesn’t really matter what your intentions are.  It matters how they see you.  If they see you doing many things at once yet not really "doing" any of them they will do the same.

True story, my daughter who is 3 will get her purse and her computer and walk around on her phone talking while she is “leaving” for work?  Wonder where she got that?  That is not what I want my daughter to think of when she thinks of me.  I want her to think of playing and relaxing and just being together.  I want her to think comfort and consistency.  If I don’t give her this, she will not get it.  It is my responsibility as a parent to slow down and be with my daughter.  Enjoy her at every age and every phase.   I ask myself that more now “Would I want to be my child right now?”  If the answer is no and it often is then how can I change that?

My goal is to put my computer up when I get home from work and just be with my baby until bedtime.  Email, Facebook and Twitter will all be there when we are done playing and “being”.  I want and intend to let her lead the time…color if she wants to color, read if she wants to read.  She deserves me to be present with her everyday for this time.  If I don’t make this a reality for it her then it won’t be.  This is not something you can go back and do over.  Everyday is 24 hours…be mindful of how you spend your time.  We don’t get it back but we do have a chance to start fresh from this moment on!  Go….how can you be a more mindful parent and give your children what they need?

Provided by Jamie L. Summers Stacks, LPC.  Jamie is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has been providing therapy since 1998.  Jamie graduated from Henderson State University in 1998 with a Master’s of Science in Community Counseling.  She has experience with a variety of different populations.  Her experiences have included working as an outpatient and inpatient therapist for adults, teenagers and children.  Jamie has been in private practice since 2009 and she is thrilled to be able to try some innovative and exciting new things. Jamie is licensed as an LAC Supervisor to provide individual and group supervision and has a specialization to provide technology assisted counseling and supervision.  She thinks that everyone should love what they do and create a career that works for them and those they help.

Jamie practices psychotherapy with adult women and adolescent girls, individually or with their families/partners. The focus of her practice is helping women and girls to recover from anxiety, depression and addictions.  You can follow her blog at www.jamiestacks.blogspot.com.

Mindfully not Present by Yael Brisker (Copy)

A friend's daughter died of cancer this morning. She was 14. Suddenly everything comes into perspective. Suddenly all our words evaporate into thin air, our loving, caring, educating, teaching, scolding, directing , organizing words just go poof! All those moments ...

And still... I have a post to write.

Since Carina asked me to write this post, I have been walking around with a flashlight even bigger than usual - looking at myself, my kids, the people around me, but mostly at myself, with a critical eye. How present am I? In all daily activities, eating, getting dressed, doing the dishes.

Presence.

It's such a powerful word for me.

I've been playing, thinking, meditating, guilt-ing, learning about it since my kids were young, and still now, when they are 11, wondering how to live with it in peace, and better still, how to do/be it. I have noticed that no matter what I'm doing, if I take a little moment and breath in and out mindfully, I can be present, right here right now. It’s that simple. So what keeps me from being in that state more often?

I have twins, a boy and a girl. From the start it was clear to me that I wanted to give them a different quality of parenting than I received. I put my artwork on hold, I breast-fed them until they were three, didn't send them to school or kindergarten till they were 6.5. I believed in child-led learning (still do). I joined attachment parenting groups on the net, learned Nonviolent Communication. To better understand their needs, I read books on child development, The Continuum Concept, homeschooling, you name it. I was convinced I knew the "right" way of bringing them up, and I was sure that since I gave them my physical presence, I was also there mentally, emotionally...

When they were younger, I remember reading that if you give your child 5-10 minutes focused attention ( I'm talking between 2-5 years old) their cup fills up and you "earn" yourself 20 minutes of time to yourself, chores etc. Sometimes, just the fact that they know you're there is enough for them to continue playing peacefully. When they say: "Look at me" -  it doesn't mean look at me now for the next hour - it's the energy...

So far, I've been talking about what or how I did my best to give to my kids. But what about me? How present could I really be when my own unmet needs were shouting out to be acknowledged, met, understood? Is this what keeps me from being here more?

When they were six, I seperated from their father and moved with them to another town. Now, my time with them is divided up. Now, when I'm with them, I'm more pre-occupied with everyday matters. And when they're not here, when they go to their father's, there's a void that's incomprehensible.

In Nonviolent Communication, the concept of Empathy is based  first and foremost on being present when listening. It's a certain quality of connection in which you are empty of your own agenda, and therefore able to BE completely with another in their situation.

My kids can't be fooled (and I bet your kids too). They know when I am with them completely, or not. Yasmin will say to me: Ema (Mom in Hebrew), when I talk to you and you say mm-hhhmmm to me, I know you're not there. I always acknowledge the fact, because hey, I can't deny it, can I? (-:

As I'm writing this, my daughter suddenly says: Ema, what are you doing? I'm writing a post. Maybe you can write something about life and death, I mean from your perspective? She's thinking about the child that died.

Here I get stuck. What's my message?

The other day, my brother came to see us. He lives in the States and is a CEO of a software company. Yuval is also a follower of Tich Naht Hanh. Normally, when he arrives, we go see him at my Mother's, and yet he's almost always busy. This time he came to us. He didn't bring his laptop, we don't have cable TV. There were no distractions...(well almost) we just sat around the living room, eating talking. Suddenly he saw our book on Origami and started folding papers with my son. The kids played piano for him. It was a sweet evening. We connected in a way we hadn't done for ages - what simple happiness!

What comes up for me as I write these words is that despite the world we live in, and our continuous self scrutiny, we haven't lost the capacity for being with each other. And when we do, however imperfect and not completely mindful we are, ultimately, nothing feels better.

What do you think?

Yael Brisker is a mother of twins, artist, metalsmith, Nonviolent Communication and Empathy skills teacher,  a student of Biosynthesis - a body oriented psycoptherapy. A big chunk of her childhood was spent in the States, during the 60’s which must have influenced her somewhat idealistic outlook on life! She currently lives with her kids in Israel. You can find her at www.yaelbrisker.com .She also has a page devoted to Empathic Connections on Facebook

http://tinyurl.com/5tv3zeu

Presence in Parenting (Copy)

Today we start the "Presence in Parenting" series on this blog. Over the next few weeks women from around the world will guest post on the blog. They will discuss, tell stories, and hopefully inspire to ways of being present as a parent in today's society.

Is presence the same as living by your children's rules? Is it giving in to every little demand that the little cutie pies come up with? Is it the same as playing with your child all day? What does "Presence in Parenting" mean?

I know that mindfulness is by some called the new black - I was told the other day at a session, I love that expression. : ) To be mindful has been used as a pill to bring peace, be more effective and you name it. But it means awareness. Ha... well is that it... awareness? It does not mean to be something that you are not, it is to be aware of what is in this moment, without judgement.

So can we be mindful parents, just as we are? And can we come from all over the world, with all of our different stories, live in our different relationships, and religions? We can, and I belive that the world is in need of being where we are with the people we have brought into this world... To be aware, with whatever is. To show up in our lives instead of always in the future or past.

I am truly grateful for those of you willing to share. Thank you. We will post the stories twice a week.

Please comment, and share and if you would like to post please write me.

xo

Book fetishism... or something. (Copy)

Today I had lunch with a good friend in the making. Great food, delicious chai and conversation. A set up that can only make you happy. After lunch we went to the international book cafe Books & Company in Copenhagen. For the last few years I have bought all of my books on amazon, no offence amazon but it just isn't the same as walking in to a real bookstore. When I walk into a book store, I just feel happy. The colors are amazing, the smell of new books, 1000s of people's knowledge, thoughts, creativity just sitting there waiting for me to be inspired.

Did anyone else watch "You've got mail" and afterwards want to open their own bookstore? What is it, that is so peaceful about books? What creates that feeling of depth in places where people read?

I spend way to much money, that I don't have, on books. But when it comes to reading all them I tend to fail. Some days there is just too much going on. Online, telefon, kids, relationships, TV all taking time. I miss the moments when I could get lost in a book, and be sad when it ended. I think that the trip today has created the need to curl up with a pot of tea and just read. So now which one of the 10000 books is it going to be? : )

Books bought this month:

Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, Dr. Christiane Northrup

Reconciliation - Healing the inner child, Thich Nhat Hanh

The Kindness Handbook, Sharon Salzberg

Birth Reborn, Michel Odent

Primal Health, Michel Odent

Buddha's Brain, Rick Hanson PH.D with Richard Mendius MD

Healing Trauma, Peter Levine

Hmmmmm... I think that is it.

Challenge of the week: Go to a real bookstore near you and just take in all of the colors, smells and inspiration. : ) Oh and maybe don't bring a creditcard.

It's important (Copy)

It has been a while since the last post. I have been trying to find some direction in business, blogging and life. Well I found A direction and sticking to it for now. In the next few days I will have two articles come out... One in Elephant Journal and one on a Danish site called JuniorBusiness. Both are about presence in parenting. I am Sh*tting myself. I feel so strongly about the subject but also feel a little scared that people won't "like" them. So why are we (some of us) so afraid of not getting other peoples approval?  Why is it important? I am working on letting go, and will let go of the articles from my mailbox in a moment.

The reason why I want them out there, is to bring some attention to presence in parenthood. Create a talk about how do we slow down, and just be with our kids. Is there a lack of moments where we just are. Has the culture created a situation where we don't even know how be present anymore? And in that process I am showing my dirty laundry. Where I lack the ability to just be as a mother and I guess that is hard for me, still, to admit.

Starting April 4th there will be a series of women from around the world guest posting here on the blog. Sharing their thoughts, stories and tips about the subject. I hope you will join the talk, comment and read their awesome posts. I hope it will create food for thought, and maybe shift some focus in the way we do things right now. The world is in need of a little less doing and a little more being.

xox

The wonder broom (Copy)

Do you know the feeling of repeatative movements having a calming effect on you? Or do you just feeling bored? : )

Working meditation is a part of a lot of mindfulness or vipassana retreats. Do you we bring the working meditation into our homes? Or are they tasks that just need to get done?

We are used to vaccuming a lot in this house. Little feet and hands everywhere and with that crumbs and food galore. I just bought a broom. I find it very calming to sweep my floor. It was my way of turning an annoying mess into a little meditation practice. It is peacful compared to the vacumcleaner and the only time I really like to vacum is when I hear dirt going down the tube... is that just me?

To go with the broom my partner bought a power hoop... repeatative (painful) movement that I am still trying to find the calming in using.

Do things like that calm you down? Knitting, sewing, rowing any other -ing?

“How to make 5 mill. by grinding your teeth...” (Copy)

Using social media is rather new to me. I have had my personal facebook page for a long time, but never thought to go full on with it for my business. Diving into it was just out of curiousity. I have been a bit overwhelmed by it the past few weeks. For several reasons... I’ll get to them in a minute. One important thing for me, was how do I stay authentic and still go about in the fast and quick fix world of social media? I found out there are A LOT of answers to that question. I have very high expectations regarding my work. Morally, ethically and quality wise. I work hard. I can’t stand that I have started a course too soon in the past, or if I know that someone feels that they aren’t getting what they wanted from me. I try my best to give my all, when I teach, and give a big part of me everytime. I spend most of my time reading, researching, meditating and often way too much time. I just feel that it is my duty when I teach what I do. It doesn’t come from a place of selfpromoting, or wanting to be the best at everything, but from somewhere in me that sees no other way of doing it. I am working on lightening up a bit...  : )

The important part for me is that I am honest, that the people who give me money know who I am and what I stand for. I am not trying to be an expert, talk in weird fraises because that’s what some masters do, let my language clean up totally because that promotes inner peace, look as if I have been touched my an angel all day even though my morning started with my little cutie pie headbutting me in total rage. I am working hard on being real.

So... I joined the social media world in my search, and I am amazed how good people are selling their products. I have been bombarded with experts telling me how to do this and that to become an expert, guru or 1st lady... in 10 easy ways of course. Adding up the all the 10 ways, I am now trying to wrap my head around 1000000 ways to become succesful, beautiful, rich, fabulisious and stay authentic. When what I really want is to be me, and for someone to see that maybe, just maybe that is enough... to be yourself.

I am sticking to social media because I have found a lot of people who are interesting. I am going slow down a bit again, and remind myself that I am actually already doing enough and going to go back to being for a bit, and that is truly authentic.

Have you ever been caught up in all the offers online? And forgotten what you already know?

5 ways to bring Mindfulness into your day (Copy)

I often hear how hard it is to fit a meditation practice into everyday life. No time, no motivation, no support from home. Mindfulness doesn’t only have to be meditation on the cusion or lying down. It can involve other activities as well.

Bringing attention to doing the dishes, brushing your teeth or changing a diaper etc. are ways of supporting presence in your life. A lot of those activities are things we often hurry to get over and done with. It might create tension because we would rather be doing something else. A challenge this week is to bring mindulness into those activities. Let me know how it goes. : )

Here are 5 exercises that may inspire you to ways of mindfulness in your everyday life.

1. Before getting out of bed in morning, spend 3-5 minutes just following you breath. Feeling your inbreath and your outbreath. Bringing attention to your body and the sensations that arise. Keeping your eyes closed just taking a few minutes to tune in before continuing with your day.

2. If you are waiting at a red light. In your car, or as a lot of people here in Denmark, on your bicycle. Touch base with your breathing, feel the wind against your face, the sounds around you. Observe what is on your mind, how you feel right there in that moment. The key word is observe not change.

3. Eat a meal or a snack in silence. Taste, smell, feel what you are eating. Try not to sit in front of the computer or TV while you eat. You could also do the same with a cup of tea. Take it all in. Bring awareness to the fact that you are eating or drinking.

4. Pick a routine activity you do everyday. How does your body feel, while you are doing it? Is there any tension, relaxation? Do any feelings arise - resistance, annoyence, happiness or any other feelings. Do any thoughts occur? Observe your mindstate and body. Being present with what you are doing eventhough you might want to be doing something else.

5. While waiting in line, on hold with customerservice, waiting for the computer to turn on, on the bus. Close your eyes and follow your breath for a minute. Allow yourself to take a few minutes of silence. You are stuck there anyway. Use the time for meditation.

Why India Weirds Me Out (Copy)

I am very lucky to have Kimberly Johnson guest blog here. I hope you enjoy her post. You can also visit her site and blog here. Kimberly has been practicing yoga for the past 17 years and teaching for the past 11. She has studied personally with the carriers of the Krishnamacharya lineage- Pattabhi Jois, BKS Iyengar, and Desikachar. After years of practicing traditionally from New York to California to India, she went through the initiation to motherhood. The energetic rearrangement of pregnancy, birth and motherhood, brought her to a new phase of self-inquiry. She realized she needed a whole new approach to her yoga and movement practice, her health, and womanhood itself. She brings in-depth anatomy studies, an incurable love of India, and a love for helping women navigate the waters of modern life guided by ancient wisdom. Pretty much every time I come back from India, I am weirded out.

I hold eye contact a little too long.

Lots of long pauses in conversation.

I eat ice cream because I figure if I am going to have diarhhea anyway, why not just eat what I want and what I didn’t have? So bean burritos and ice cream.

I thought it was just the last time I came back from India – the time when I was seriously f*ed up from a guru thing—that I was acting like a Moonie. But then I remembered a time when I was 19 and came back from my first trip. My mom took me to her therapist who handed me a magazine and I said, “no, thanks, I’ll meditate.” I was serious. And I did.

After being in the inner world for a long period of time, the outer world is jarring.

In retrospect, I think it was genuine introspection sprinkled with a tad of affect/pretension. I am grateful to my parents and friends for accepting me in all my sancrosanct namaste-ness.

However today I realized there was some wisdom in my post-India behavior.

This morning, I taught a class, sent my daughter off with a friend, changed clothes to receive a new Rolfing client, brought in chairs and a table to the yoga room so that I could sit and talk with the client, gave the session, called the client a taxi and realized I hadn’t eaten yet today. So I had three amazing Brazilian bananas and went to try to “get something done” before my daughter came back. I wasn’t sure how long it would be before my friend would bring her back. Those periods of time are always the hardest because I can’t seem to get deep into anything, like projects or practice, when I am not sure of the time frame I have.

And a voice inside came, “just sit down and meditate.”

It felt so natural and obvious. Sit down until she comes.

My mind (and I am guessing your mind) always provides the excuse of “not the right time” or “not enough time”, but the truth is those “right times” are hard to come by. Our mind provides us with a million other things we could and should be doing. But if we run around trying to satisfy that manic voice, we miss out.

The truth is: We DO have time and time actually expands when we are present with it. We all have one minute at a stop light. We CAN go to the bathroom for five minutes. The shower. Boiling water to make coffee or tea. There are infinite moments in a day, but we mindfully “spend” them.

What is really the point if we are running around disconnected but fulfilling our roles as parent, worker, partner, friend, etc. but we are not really present or enjoying any of them? So we are basically taking care of business and getting things done but not depleted and exhausted by the end of the day.

Here are a few things that have worked for me to fit practice into my day.

1. Practice first. Right when the baby takes a nap, or the kids go to school, or while you water for tea is boiling, sit for five minutes first. There are a million things that might call (dished, phone calls) but before you “do” them, prioritize your practice.
2. Stop beating yourself up over not having a home practice and practice with a friend or carve out time for one class a week. (or more if that is possible- but we can all find 1 ½ hours once a week) We often have an ideal of what we “should” be doing. Bag it, and do what works.
3. Less really is more: 10 or 15 minutes is enough time to sit, enough time to do a few salutations, or a couple poses that you are now are specifically good for you. When you set out to do less, you usually do more. But when you set out to do more, you often don’t do anything at all.

Be overly forgiving with yourself. All the emotional backlash, judgements, and guilt just creates more junk to weed through later. You want to create a positive association to practice. Soon you will build momentum as something deeper than your thinking mind will crave the practice.

Every once in a while, just close your eyes and tune in. Listen. Feel.

Kindness in the trash. (Copy)

As I have mentioned before, we live in the more colorful part of Copenhagen. When we look out of the window at night, we mostly see drunk people, young people being loud, sexshops, prostitutes... well you get the picture. Eventhough it sounds rough, I actually love this part of town. It is full of life and to see people live side by side like that is interesting to observe. The other night I was looking out the window. On the street there was a bike with a basket, someone had dumped some trash in the basket. A young guy in baggy trousers walked by, picked up the trash, and put in the garbagecan a few feet away. That was it, he just kept walking. It was really nothing, and then again it was a big deal. He didn’t have to, he wouldn’t get any credit for it, no one would really know that there had been garbage in the basket. Yet he did it anyway. What a man.

The selfless good deed has become a subject to research in the last 20 years. Stephen G. Post, PhD, a professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, has says "There are ample studies showing that when people receive generosity and compassion, there is a positive effect on their health and well-being. Brain chemicals also enter into this picture of altruism. A recent study has identified high levels of the "bonding" hormone oxytocin in people who are very generous toward others. Oxytocin is the hormone best known for its role in preparing mothers for motherhood. Studies have also shown that this hormone helps both men and women establish trusting relationships."

I find that even seeing or hearing about someone who did something good for others, improves my state of mind. The urge to do something for nice myself is almost instant. I felt really happy, seing the guy pick up the trash. That expample only shows, that it doesn’t take a lot.

Stephen Post goes on to say “Two large studies found that older adults who volunteered reaped benefits in their health and well-being. Those who volunteered were living longer than nonvolunteers. Another large study found a 44% reduction in early death among those who volunteered a lot -- a greater effect that exercise four times a week.“

With those numbers, we should all do our daily exercise, and do something good for others. It just might be contagious. : )

Please leave your story of a an act of kindness you have done or received.

3 great online resources. (Copy)

So where do you find your inspiration, for your meditation practice? Where do you seek information on how to get started? Of course it depends on what you are looking for I know, but I find that I sometimes spend a lot of time surfing, clicking, reading trough all sorts of useless stuff. I do a lot of research online, and there are a few sites I always come back to. They have something to say. I want to share 3 sites that I love, and that I feel are good contributers to the online mass of meditation info. These sites are not only for insiders, but also for people new to meditation and buddhisme. I hope that they can answer some questions or inspire you to ask some new ones.

Mindful.org

This site has everything. Reviews, articles and really good resource lists. There are also some really great audio and videos. It is a fairly new site that I came across, because they did a, one time only, printed addition. When you enter the site it, is very easy to navigate through and you can find things fairly quick. I must say it can answer nearly any question you might have regarding mindfulness. There are great stories about how mindfulness is entering schools, hospitals etc. Some awesome people contribute to the content.

Mindful.org is a project of Shambala Sun, which brings me to the next site:

Shambhala Sun

I it is orginally a best-selling printed buddhist magazine. Their online site offers loads of the articles that you also can find in the printed mag. They write about themselves: “Inspired by the wisdom and compassion of Buddhist practice, the Shambhala Sun is devoted to the principle that true human wisdom is not the property of any one religion or culture.” That’s is part of what makes it great. It opens up for all readers. As a part of the site they have a blog - SunSpace Blog. Again it is filled with great posts by some of the most respected teachers in the world. If you feel the urge to hit the BUY button at some point, you will not be disapointed with a subscription.

Elephantjournal

It might be a bit overwhelming when you enter the site for the first time. They have ALOT of content. That is also the upside, you can find almost anything on meditation, yoga, greenliving, organics, genuine spirituality and as they say “anything that helps us to live a good life that also happens to be good for others, and our planet.” I also like the fact they open up to “ordinary” people, so they can offer content. Which I find makes it very down to earth, and gives you a broad perspective on the various subjects. You can follow them on twitter as well. I don't know why but I almost always smile when I enter the site, there is a really happy vibe to it.

Good luck surfing. :)

Taking it all in. (Copy)

I am going to continue the theme of mindfulness, parenting and children. I have heard a lot of comments about the 12 exercises for mindful parenting, and it seems to be something a lot of parents would love to work with some more. I know I do. So when the intention to meditate is there, but we lack space, time and motivation what do we do? A women I really enjoy reading is Diana Winston. What an inspiration. She wrote a blog post about meditating with toddlers.

“Well one night while meditating, I had the brainstorm of bringing back formal practice in toddler-friendly style. And thus we instituted “family meditation time.” My daughter is only one so we don’t have too high of a bar. We sit together, the three of us, for five minutes. We have one of those wooden pyramid timers that we set for five minutes; we all listen for the ding (extremely exciting to the one year old in all of us). Then my husband and I close our eyes and try to meditate. (Operative word: “try”). And what does my daughter do? She tries to nurse. She fiddles with the bell. She pokes us and giggles. She wanders about, not too far usually. Sometimes she whines and occasionally cries. Once she seemed like she was meditating along with us—for about two seconds. More often than not she’s jumping on us.”

I smile when I read it, I know it happens around here a lot.

I often hear, in classes that they couldn’t meditate because the kids were screaming, tv was on and there just too much distraction going on. No time, no space, and kids are awake. It is possible to commit to being aware of what is going on in this moment, without it being in silence. I believe that for us parents, that is a big part of the practice - in our everyday lives. Being present with chaos. As Diana goes on; "She bonked me with a book, and I just sat there and took it all in— spacious, open, wild-child mind..."

In my home we have a buddha statue. It is in my meditation corner with my cusion. Well... the cusion gets moved around all the time, when it’s in my daughter's way. I find it sort of symbolic, to remind me to take presence with me troughout my day. I walked into the living room the other day, to find the buddha over in my daughters play-corner with lip balm on, and hair bands around its head. He still had a big smile on its face, so I took that as a thumbs up... And she loved it. She was in peace and having the time of her live. True awareness and meditation. And I just sat there, and watched her observed her playing, with awareness of what was going on inside me, taking it all in. I love my meditation corner, but it goes where she goes and so does my everyday practice.

What do you do? I would love to hear your experiences.

12 exercises for Mindful Parenting. (Copy)

I have read Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn’s book “Everyday blessings”. It’s about mindful parenting and the different stages of parenthood. At the end of the book, there are 12 exercises for Mindful Parenting. I want to share them with you. They remind me of what is really important, when the everyday stress disrupts the peace. They are great to put on the fridge or just read them once in a while. Just as a reminder to stay present with our children. Especially since we often are way too busy because we love them so much, and want to give them the best life possible. We have that chance with our presence. Maybe this can inspire. 1. Try to imagine the world from your child’s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.

2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child’s point of view; imagine having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?

3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. Work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.

4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children, and consider whether they are truly in your children’s best interests. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.

5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn’t some common ground where your needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.

6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done.

7. Try embodying silent presence. Listen carefully.

8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. See what is “workable” if you are willing to trust your intuition and best instincts.

9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing, and they demonstrate that you see a situation more clearly, or more from your child’s point of view. But “I’m sorry” loses its meaning if we are always saying it, or if we make regret a habit.

10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.

11. There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with our children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid and controlling.

12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves.

Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn

Joining the rampage #1 (Copy)

So week two hit the AIM2011 group. And I’ve been beating around the bush with listing what I’m grateful for. I don’t why, but it’s not that easy. Along the way I keep sizing things up, “this isn’t great enough to go in the list”, “who cares about that”, and so on. A great exercise in stopping, taking a breath, and just writing the damn list. Because I am grateful for a ton of things and sometimes, because I think too much, I end up not saying, writing or speaking of what I cherish, but mostly just what I don’t cherish so much - that’s putting it nicely. So here we go:

#1. Little Lilli ♥

The little girl who came into my life in April 2009. She is a strong little girl with a soft side that is scared of everything. I hope she grows out of it, I would I hate for her to be as scared as I am. I have spent most of my time feeling overwhelmed and not being the mother I wanted to be. The mother guilt had a hold og me big time. And I was so affraid of her leaving me again, and that it took over. The last few months the love has grown, and I am so amazed. I love her to bits and she teaches me so much. So thank you Lilli for chosing me.

Oh... and with her comes her dad - I am very grateful for him as well. But he was out last night, so he doesn’t get a full post today. : )

#2. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs I instantly feel in love when I hear that song. I don’t know why, but it just gives me the best feeling in the world. They are one of those band that I want to see before I go. And they are Canadian - which helps when I feel home sick.

And I waited 3 years for it. So another great things that happened in 2010.

#3. My grandfather - Wilfred Lyall.

He is not here anymore, but I feel grateful that he once was. He died too early, and I didn’t get a real chance to thank him. He was like a father to me, and showed me so much love. I miss him every day, and would love for him to have seen the way things turned out. A great man, with a great heart, the world truely lost a beautiful soul.

#4. The women

...that have attended my courses during the past year. I can’t thank them enough. They amaze me. The things they share, do for themselves, and give back to me, I wouldn’t want to live without. So thank you ladies, and can’t wait to meet the ones who will be joining this year.

#5. Ok then...

Stig my partner. He is a great person who never takes life too seriously, and is a constant reminder for me not to do the same. I love him very much, and I'm very grateful for the challenge of being in that relationship. I say challenge, because who am I kidding... it’s not always easy being a “control person” in a relationship with a man who isn’t having any of it. He makes me smile, and laugh everyday.

So I did it. The first real list of gratitude. I think it went alright?

Hoarding the invisible... (Copy)

The AIM2011 task this week is to declutter.

It’s funny because there is a series on TV at the moment about extreme hoarders. I am trying to cut back on TV but somethings just fascinate me too much. It is very easy for me to shake my head, and ask how can anyone live like that. I’d go crazy in that mess.

Last night an elder women was close to being evicted if she did not clean her house. Her children were helping her and she was getting very angry. She could not allow her family to throw away her things. As she said “they are never here with me, but my stuff is with me all the time”. The autopilot started to judge her. "Why doesn’t she just call them, be more pleasent so they would want to come over, get her act together" etc. As they started to clear her house, and she was panicking and trying to hang on to every little piece of paper, I felt it sting a bit.

I might not have piles of “junk” everywhere, but I for sure have things that I cling on to. Things I feel represent me, things that give me a sense of self. I can relate to the feeling of that self leaving me if I ever threw those things in the garbage. I have books that are there because I feel that I stay bright in their presence, birthday cards so I still feel loved, clumps of clay I don’t know what is anymore - to remind me that I was a child once, t-shirts I would never wear, from festivals I danced around at when I was a fun person, clothes I can’t fit anymore, from a time when I was a better looking version of me... and I can go on.

It is in boxes, stuffed away in the attic, and maybe they will only come out again the day I am no longer here, and someone has to clear it out. So is my sense of self stuck in a box in the attic?

I have no intention of getting rid of everything I own, but I will definitely have a look at the reasons for why I hang on to certain stuff. Can I feel in touch with my childhood, feel loved, feel smart, be a fun person without a storageroom to define me? Maybe we all hoard to a certain extent. It must be harder to be present when we can’t let go of the past in fear of losing ourselves. Maybe the memories and feel of self, don’t get the place they deserve because it has become an external thing.

Since everything is forever changing, I have the intention of letting go of the fear, that the proces of change will lose me if I don’t hang on. And try to trust mySELF.

- The picture is painted by a man that I will never forget - Norman Knott. The day I met him I will always hold dear and it was a big part of my childhood. The feeling his presence gave me is in my heart, painting or no painting.